[A horn honks as Malcolm and Dewey sleep on the mattress in the middle of the road:]
Malcolm: [wakes up] Oh, my God, we totally fell asleep.
Dewey: [wakes up] That wasn't sleep. Sleep makes you feel like you've been beaten up.
Malcolm: We got to keep this thing.

Trey: Hi, guys. Where should I put this?
Hal: I'll take care of it.
Trey: Thanks.
Hal: Uh-huh. [throws Trey's coat on the ground]
Trey: This is about the dental visit, isn't it?
Hal: You know, I don't recall a dental visit. I recall a mugging!
Trey: I'm surprised you'd bring it up, considering you ran out on the bill.
Hal: Con artist!
Trey: Welsher!

Abe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What's this about?
Hal: I went to Trey to get my tooth fixed for free like he promised, and then this pirate hands me a bill for $2,000!
Trey: Free?! I never said I'd fix it for free!
Hal: You said you'd take care of it!
Trey: And I took care of it! I fixed it! Now Hal is walking around here pain-free with a stolen smile!

Malik: Trey, can't you see where "I'll take care of it" could be misinterpreted?
Trey: Well, I suppose it could.
Hal: Yeah.
Malik: And, Hal, can't you see that Trey is a professional? He went to years of medical school.
Abe: And then he gave up and became a dentist. [laughter]
Malik: Trey deserves to be compensated for his work. It's natural and it's fair.
Hal: I guess it is. I'm sorry, Trey.
Trey: No offense taken. [they shake hands]
Hal: So, Malik, how much do we owe you?
Malik: Ah, nothing. We're friends.
Hal: A-ha! You see?
Trey: It's not the same! You came to me as a professional. You get a salary for your work. Imagine going to somebody's house, playing Tetris, shuffling papers and making long-distance calls, and nobody paying you?!
Hal: That's it! I don't want your repo thugs coming after me, so here! [rips crown out] [passes out]

Hal: So, Peterson puts the report on my desk and says, uh... [tries to swallow food without chewing]
Lois: Hal, if your tooth hurts, don't eat.
Hal: I'm fine.
Lois: Hal, just stop it.
Hal: Stop what?
Lois: We're all afraid you're going to choke to death. You can't eat if you don't chew.
Hal: I don't need to chew. I am fine. The key is relaxing the esophagus. Jamie, I hope you're paying attention.

Malcolm: These chairs are so uncomfortable.
Dewey: They have no idea how to conform to our bodies.

Reese: Okay, Mom, I think today we might break the 12-inch distance record we set yesterday. It's white-knuckle time.
Lois: I'm not doing this anymore.
Reese: What?!
Lois: You know I can't do it. I just cannot get on that bike again. It's just too hard.
Reese: Oh, it's too hard? Well, why didn't you say so? When things get tough, you got to just give up and run away from your dreams. Lower your expectations. That's fine. I've had my fun. If you want to quit, go ahead and quit.
Lois: All right, Reese, you made your point. Let's give it a try.
Reese: No, I was really saying quit.

Abe: I want to thank Hal for inviting us all over for a special afternoon game.
Hal: I don't want to be the one to break up the game here. I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Trey: If you're implying-
Abe: Gentlemen, gentlemen, no one is implying anything. All I'm saying is it's hard keeping the game together. And despite our differences, I think we can all agree this is nothing like the hidden jack incident of '91.

Hal: You're letting me win!
Trey: You are?!
Abe: We're just trying to get this thing settled.
Hal: I don't want your money if I didn't win it. I have no need for your pity!
Trey: I can't stand it anymore! I'll give you the dental work for free. Happy? Let's go right down to my office right now and put back that crown.
Abe: It's settled.
Hal: No! I am not some charity case, and I am not going to relieve you of your conscience, either.
Trey: Hal!
Hal: No! You will be the one to have to live with the pain, not me! Give me that glass of ice water!
All: No!
Hal: I hope you're happy!
[Hal screams and drops to the floor in agony as he drinks the ice water]