‘Halloween’
Season 7, Episode 4 - Aired October 28, 2005
Lois is upset she has to work on Halloween and will only be able to go trick-or-treating with Jamie on her break. A sick Malcolm stays at home with Hal, who is terrified after learning that a series of gruesome murders took place at their house. Meanwhile, Reese and Dewey are chased around the neighborhood by an old man they egged.
Quote from Hal
Lois: Hal, what are you doing?
Hal: Oh, it's, uh, it's time Jamie had a night light.
Lois: Why don't you put it over by his crib?
Hal: He wants it here!
Quote from Hal
Boy: Trick or treat.
Hal: Oh, an ax in the head? You think that's funny? If you had a real ax in your head, you wouldn't be laughing. Except if you had an involuntary muscle spasm. Does that sound like a good time?
Malcolm: I got this. Nice costumes.
Boy: Thank you.
Quote from Lois
Lois: [on the phone] But you said you'd send a patrol car 20 minutes ago! Low priority?! It's still against the law to steal, isn't it? Fine, fine. We'll be here. [hangs up] Unbelievable. I get one break from 7:00 to 7:20. That break is now over! Instead of spending it with my adorable little two-year-old son, I spend it with you!
Karl: Lady, I have six warrants for my arrest and I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?
Quote from Reese
Reese: You know, I think Halloween really agrees with Jamie. He's standing up straighter.
Dewey: And he didn't try to pee on that dog. Is that the old guy from the egging?
Reese: No, that guy had glasses.
Dewey: No, the first egging.
Reese: Huh. Oh, yeah.
Dewey: I think he's chasing us.
Reese: Yeah, I guess he is.
Dewey: So, we should try to get away.
Reese: Yeah, I guess we have no choice. [casually take two steps back] Whew! That was close.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Here you go. Some hot tea. Are you warm enough? I can turn on the defroster.
Malcolm: I'm good, Dad.
Hal: I just want to make sure you're comfortable.
Malcolm: Well, you could have let me stay in the house.
Hal: No, no. We're safe out here. [turns radio on] Isn't this nice? Tell me what's going on in your life. Got a special girl?
Kids: Trick or treat!
Hal: Oh, hey. We're over here! Got candy in the car! The kids love this holiday. If they only knew.
Quote from Reese
Dewey: Hey, you're right. The candy you steal off other kids really does taste better.
Reese: I'm telling you. It's the fear.
Quote from Craig
Lois: Craig, I want to get some pictures of Jamie in his costume, so why don't you give me a roll-
Craig: Hey, Lois! I didn't expect you back so soon.
Lois: Oh, nice! So now we're invading our customers' privacy. Why don't you just open up the pharmacy files and see what's there?
Craig: Been there, done that. FYI, I wouldn't get too chummy with Mr. or Mrs. Sanders for four to six weeks.
Quote from Lois
Police Officer: Excuse me, ma'am. Can I have a word with you?
Lois: Well, I'm glad to see you finally found the time to show up, Officer. But our shoplifter is long gone.
Police Officer: I'm not here about a shoplifter.
Woman: That's her!
Girl: Mommy!
Woman: Oh, Allison, are you okay?
GIrl: Yes.
Police Officer: Hands behind your back, ma'am.
Lois: What? This is wrong. You're making a mistake.
Craig: Don't worry, Lois. If you need a character witness at your trial, you got me. Uh-oh. [vomits]
Quote from Reese
Old Man: Have you boys learned your lesson yet?
Reese: Ha! You stupid old man! I'll never learn my lesson. [old man throws more eggs]
Quote from Hal
Hal: I just want you to know I'm sorry. A lot of things were said here and I know it got out of hand. I don't want you to take this personally.
Malcolm: It's okay. I was out of line, too.
Hal: I wasn't talking to you. Anyway, Gareth, you should know...
Malcolm: Dad.
Hal: Malcolm, let me work with him.