Malcolm: Dewey, be lookout while we dig up the fireworks.
Reese: What's going on with Dad?
Malcolm: I don't know. Maybe he's dealing with something at work.
Reese: I hope he's going to be OK. At his age carrying around that tension can't be good for you.
[The door hits Dewey as Hal enters the room. Reese backs away from the window and hides the shovel behind his back.]
Dewey: Oh! Dad's here!
Hal: Who wants ice cream?

Karen: Look at that house. It's perfect! [stomps on flowers]
Lois: No, no, no! We didn't come here for a mindless vandalism. We came to screw up her car! See how she feels when she's ten minutes late for car pool like a real person! She probably won't even be able to get out of bed on a morning!
Julie: This time next year she's gonna be living in a trailer with little ceramic donkey in the front yard. [all giggle drunkenly]
Lois: Shhh!

Lois: She's wearing pearls to make cookies?!
Julie: Doilies! What kind of a monster is this woman?
Karen: Oh, God! Those cookies smell good! Let's kill her and eat them!

Julie: Oh, one of us should probably know something about cars.
Lois: It doesn't matter! Just pull some of the wires! Let's get out of here!
[Karen cackles as she sets the trashcan on fire and kicks it onto the front lawn]
Lois: Karen! Karen! You've gotta stop! Karen! You've gotta settle down!
Karen: [falls over] Whoa! Whoa!
Lois: Karen, why don't you see if you can say the alphabet backward?
Karen: Z, y, x, w, v, u, t, s, r, q, p, o, m, n, I, k, j, i, h, g, f, e, d, c, b, a! [giggles] I've been pulled over a few times.
Woman #1: Hey, Lillian's gone.
Lois: What do you mean, Lillian's gone?
[Lillian opens her front door and cocks a rifle]
Lois: Run! [all scream]

Francis: It's a pointless exercise! You haven't proven a thing. You certainly haven't determined what my limits are. None of this has bothered me and if you think it has, the joke is on you!
Roy: Clench. [makes Francis hold travel mug between his feet]

Reese: Why is he making us watch a documentary about salt?
Malcolm: Would you rather still be locked in the bathroom?
Dewey: Or being chased by the huggle monster?
Reese: Would you just do something!
Malcolm: I'm trying! Every time we make a move he's two steps ahead of us. He's impossible to predict! At least with Mom you get a little consistency, but Dad's operating on a whole other plane. [sighs]
Dewey: Hey, you can put salt on French fries!

Roy: Wow, Francis, I've never had anyone empty the box before! I'm outta props!
Francis: You know, I wasn't on board with your little experiment at first but I've got to admit, I learned a lot about myself tonight. I mean, who am I to judge people for the choices they make? You know, from now on I'm gonna be a bit more understanding and a lot more humble.
Roy: Wanna stop for some dinner?
Francis: What, like this? Sure! Why not like this?