Ted: [in a Southern accent] So, hey, you-you ladies, been awful nice to us. What do you say... Ah, never mind. No...
Colleen: No, what is it?
Ted: Well, it's just we're leaving Sunday morning. It sure would be nice to have some real New Yorkers show us around.
Barney: Yeah.
Lindsay: Well. We're tonight, but... maybe tomorrow afternoon? Atfer lunch?
Barney: Well. Hotdog! Should we... You want to just meet here in front of Mac... MacLaren's pub?
Colleen: It's kind of a lame bar, but sure.
Ted: Really? It doesn't seem that lame to me.
Lindsay: It's pretty lame.
Ted: I think it's cool.
Colleen: We'll see you tomorrow.
Barney: All right.
Ted: [yelling] I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar a lot of cool people would hang out there.

Lily: So, Gael, huh?
Robin: Mmm.
Lily: Still going strong?
Robin: Yeah. It's great. Amazing, fantastic, awesome.
Lily: Ooh, that's one too many. What's going on?
Robin: Well, now that I'm home, I'm finding myself getting annoyed at things that I loved on vacation.
[flashback to Argentina:]
Gael: Here, taste. Experience your food. [feeds Robin a chunk of fruit]
Robin: Oh, so good.
[flashback to Robin's apartment:]
Gael: Here taste. Experience your food. [feeds her a heap of spaghetti]
Robin: Ooh sofa! Ooh sofa! Sofa, sofa, oh... ooh.
[flashback to Argentina:]
Robin: Ooh.
Gael: We're alone, now. I must have you. [clears desk]
[flashback to Robin's apartment:]
Robin: Ooh.
Gael: I must have you. [clears desk]
Robin: Laptop! Laptop! Laptop!
[present:]
Robin: And you know what else? I'm still finding sand everywhere. I mean, we haven't been to the beach since Argentina. Where is all coming from?

Robin: Wow. Gael, you're peeing while I'm in the shower. Okay. Okay, old Robin would have been like, "Dude, ocupado". But now, you know what, I'm cool with it. Pee it up. In fact, when you're done, why won't you come in here and join me?
Man: [Australian accent] Don't mind if I do, love.
[Robin screams and rushes out of the bathroom]
Robin: Gael, there's some weird du.. Hello.
Gael: Hey. Good news. I made some travelling friends today, and they'll be staying with us. How do you say... indefinitely?!
All: G'day.

Marshall: Wow. Both sides. You wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box.
Lily: Wow, it's a really nice blender.
Marshall: Well, if you love that blender so much, why don't you just marry it.
Lily: I can't. I married you. That's how we got the blender. What's wrong?
Marshall: Nothing. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong? Except that when you die, I'm gonna find out that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity were "Cancel Vogue".
Lily: How can you open my letter?
Marshall: That was not a letter. It was barely even a text message. Next time you write something that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme.
Lily: Marshall, wait. [Marshall opens the door] This was our first fight as a married couple.
Marshall: [Marshall returns] Oh, baby. [hugs, pretends to laugh]
Lily: Oh.
[Marshall leaves]

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when you visited New York, there are count of something funny to see and do. And yes Colleen and Lindsay took us to Tater-Skinz.
Colleen: This is our favorite restaurant in the city.
Ted: Yes, I'm sure this is the best of their 57 "spudtacular" East Coast locations.

Barney: This is the easiest date ever. You know what I'm gonna try next? A knock, knock joke.
Ted: Easiest? Somehow we have managed to find the two lamest New Yorkers of all time.
Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted. Dude.
Ted: I'm looking at you. What?
Barney: Right. Stay with me. We are on the cusp of moving from out-of-towners to in-their-pantsers. Ay-o? [Ted and Barney high-five]

Marshall: Hey, babe. I've been thinking about our fight.
Lily: Yes?
Marshall: I'm really, really... surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet.
Lily: Wow. You really want to open this up again. Oh, I forgot, you open everything up, even if you're not supposed to until I'm dead.
Marshall: You know that is important to me. Why won't you just write the letter?
Lily: Because, I can't bear the thought of not being with you, not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter.
Marshall: Really?
Lily: Yes, really. Plus, I know as soon as I write it, you're just going to open it up and read it again.
Marshall: Lily, I won't, I promise.
Lily: Okay. I'll write you a letter for my death folder.
Marshall: Do you mind, um, maybe slipping in a little bit of dirty stuff, too?
Lily: I tell you what. How about I make it all dirty stuff and slip in a little clean stuff?
Marshall: You're the best. And maybe a couple Polaroids?

Barney: [in a Southern accent] You're not from Missouri? Well, I will be a monkey's unc...
Colleen: [to the policeman] Can we get a ride?
Barney: Hey, um, sir, can we get ride, too?
Police Officer: Newark, born and raised.

Robin: Can you please keep it down?
Carefree Robin: What happened to you, man? You said you wouldn't change, but look at you. No more tan, no more beaded braids, no more lush, untamed forest of leg and armpit hair. You're back at work. What gives?
Robin: Well. I have to have a job.
Carefree Robin: "I have to have a job", God, that's so American.
Robin: I'm Canadian. You know that.
Carefree Robin: What about the important things like making your own jewelry and lying on the beach and thinking about peace? God, don't you care about thinking about peace?
Robin: Wow. I just realized something.
Carefree Robin: That you've lost your way?
Robin: No, that you really suck. You're boring and lame and you're getting sand everywhere. Seriously, where is all the sand coming from? You're not the real me. All you are is me on vacation trying to get away from a break-up.
Carefree Robin: Don't you remember Argentina? [Carefree Robin stands up, walks over to Robin and caresses her hair] Don't you want to go back?
Robin: What are you doing?
Carefree Robin: Shh. Let this happen. [moves in for a kiss]
[Robin gasps as she wakes up in bed.]

Barney: Welcome home, Scherbatsky.
Robin: Oh, good to be back. Although it's weird, vacation Robin popped into my dream again last night.
Barney: Listening.
Robin: This time we went all the way. Tell you one thing. She is maybe sandy but that chick knows what I like.