Ted Quote #316
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, Marshall, sat down to write the letter he hoped Lily would never have to read.
Marshall: [v.o.] "My dearest, sweetest, Lilypad. Let this letter be a small beacon, a tiny firefly to help light your way trough the years ahead. My love for you persists, higher than the Himalayas, deeper than a Scottish loch. [sobbing] If I died under suspicious circumstances then beware. Trust no one, not even Ted. Especially not Ted. Know that I'll always be there in your heart, whenever you need me. [sobbing] And my love for you will never die. Love. [sobbing] Your Marshmallow."
Quote from Barney
Robin: I'm evolved, and I'm enjoying living my life a little bit closer to the way Gael and I did in Argentina.
Barney: Please, vacation romances have an expiration date. Gael's got a "best if banged by" sticker on him. Once your romance starts to stink, you'll dump his ass down the drain like sour milk and go back to being "unevolved Robin", the one we actually like.
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from How Lily Stole Christmas
Ted: [on answering machine] Hey, Marshall. Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? You are, aren't you? Well, stop it. She's not worth it. You gotta get over that Grinch.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But I didn't say "Grinch." I said a bad word. A very, very bad word.
Ted: Oh, fudge.
Future Ted: But I didn't say fudge.