Lily: Ooh, here he comes. Switch to big words.
[Gael comes in]
Barney: Within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatibility with your paramour and conclude your association.
Robin: My journey was transformative and I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour and the philosophies he espouses.
Gael: What are we talking of? Baseball?
Barney: This is all gonna return to masticate you in the gluteals. Support my hypothesis, Ted.
Ted: I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant.

Robin: Quick announcement. I am so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. A couple rules... Not even rules. Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. Guideline for harmonious living number one, the kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. G.F.H.L. number two, marijuana is illegal in the United States, even when baked into a blueberry muffin that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast right before they leave for their job as a TV Newscaster. "This just in: Look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. And number three... I... [all cheer]. And number three is please keep the noise to a minimum. I have to take a nap. I'm still pretty baked.

Ted: Where are we even going anyway?
Lindsay: 148th and Brook Avenue.
Ted: A hundred... on the south of Bronx at this time of night? We're going to get killed.
Barney: Ted. I think these local New Yorkers know more about the city than we do, so relax. We're in very capable hands.
[later, Ted and Barney talk to a police officer as sirens wail:]
Ted: There were three of them, at least two guns. They took all our money.
Barney: Well, I only had traveler's checks.

[In the middle of the night, Robin goes out to her crowded living room where people are playing drums:]
Robin: All right, everyone out! I said everyone out!
[Robin goes to her bedroom, gets her gun and returns to the living room. The drumming stops]
Man: [Australian accent] All right, we're living, we're leaving, okay. Michael Moore was so right about Americans.
[Robin returns to her bedroom]
Robin: [yells] I'm Canadian!

Lily: Okay, I'm done. But I really don't want you reading this unless, you know, something happens. Can you swear to me you won't open it?
Marshall: Totally. What does it say?
Lily: Marshall, I'm serious.
Marshall: Okay. I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead.
Lily: Okay.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And through 22 wonderful years of marriage, Marshall kept his promise.
[A bald Marshall sits at a desk in the year 2029:]
Future Ted: Until November 1 of last year when, sadly... [Marshall opens the letter]
Lily: [v.o.] "Busted! I knew you'd read this. You suck, Marshall, you totally suck."
Marshall: That's it? I suck? Lily!
Lily: [enters] Yes, you suck. You said you wouldn't read it and you did.
Marshall: Well, you didn't keep your promise either. I don't see any dirty pictures in here.
Lily: Oh, fine, I'll take the dirty pictures.
Marshall: I don't want 'em now.
Lily: What is that supposed to mean?
Marshall: What?! Nothing. Nothing. You're beautiful. I would love the photos. Have I told you how beautiful you look?

Future Ted: [v.o.] So, after Robin and I broke up, she needed some time away. Away from her normal home, her normal life, and it turns out, her normal self.
[flashback to Robin in Argentina with Gael:]
Robin: I was just so uptight in New York, you know? I mean, down here everybody shares everything. It's like we're all one big shimmering ball of positive energy. I wonder if anyone's ever thought that before.
Gael: Here. Eat. If we run out of fish I will catch more with my hands. [drums playing]
Robin: A drum circle! They're different every time. Let's go watch!

Robin: And here I am at the drum circle.
Barney: Whoa. Are you topless? Ted, check this out.
Ted: Seen 'em.

Lily: Man, this is like "Where's Waldo" of exposed genitalia. Except that it's really easy to find Waldo.

[Marshall opens Lily's letter to him:]
Lily: [v.o.] "M., Atm Pin Code: 5-4-5-9. Teacher's pension account: A-3-9-3-2. Cancel Vogue. L."

Barney: That guy...
Ted: Yeah. That guy. Look at how easy he has it.
Barney: Well, you and me, we have to bend over backwards to get a woman to, well, bend over backwards. But that guy... every woman in the bar is hanging on his every slightly mispronounced word. And why?
Ted: He's better looking than us.
Barney: No! Because he's from out of town.
Ted: Mmm.
Barney; With an accent and an innocent smile, you don't even have to try.
Ted: Yeah. Plus automatic out, you're leaving in a couple of days. God, I wish we were tourists.
Barney: Yeah. Actually... You know where I've been meaning to visit?