Robin: And the intense eye contact thing?
[flashback to Ted, Marshall and Barney at MacLaren's:]
Barney: So, Ted, would you like to split some jalapeno poppers? [stares at Ted]
Ted: Uh. okay.
[present:]
Ted: Yep.
Robin: And the thing where he establishes intimacy through physical contact?
[flashback:]
Ted: You know why jalapeño poppers are so good? It's the cream cheese.
Barney: That is so true. [holds Ted's hands]
Ted: Yeah... Cream cheese has a mild flav-flavor so it... it balances out the spiciness of the jal... the spiciness of the...
[Barney starts rubbing Ted's arm:]
Ted: Dude!

Robin: Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy. Give me your phone. Let's delete one of yours.
Marshall: Okay. No problem. If you can find a number that I don't need or shouldn't have in here, be my guest, but good luck. I keep my phone tight.
Robin: Edwin.
Marshall: Oh, no, not that one. That's the booker for the club that my band plays at. You know, my all-lawyer
funk band. You remember... The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk.
[flashback to Marshall, wearing a striped top hat, singing with a band who are all wearing English lawyer wigs:]
Marshall: [singing] Your witness lied so your case is sunk, hah! I sentence you to a life of funk Counselors, how do you plead?
All: Funky.
Marshall: Kick it.

Ted: Unfinished. Gaudi, to his credit, never gave up on his dream, but that's not usually how it goes. I mean, usually, it isn't a speeding bus that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. Most of the time, it's just too difficult or too expensive, or too scary. It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is
to start again. So you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be...
[Ted walks out of his class room. He runs down the street, and almost gets hit by a bus. Ted walks into Barney's office.]
Ted: Hey, Barney. Hey, Rachel. Rachel, why aren't you in class?
Rachel: Why aren't you in class?
Barney: Yeah, Ted. Why aren't you in class? [off Ted's look] You son of a bitch. I'll call Marshall. We'll draw up the contract.
Ted: Not so fast. I'm not that easy.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And so I made Barney break his golden rule. I made him take me out to dinner before I finally gave him the thing he always got.
Ted: Yes.

Barney: Ted, look across the bar. Three chicks: one hot, one kind of hot and one who I'm assuming is really funny. We ride! What's wrong?
Ted: I don't know. Got a burger coming.
Marshall: Bro, I told you, if you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy. Yeah, I'm not going to go through that again.
[flashback to Marshall and Barney approaching a woman at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Hi. Barney Stinson.
Marshall: And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman. [nods winks suggestively]
Barney: Thank you for your time.
[present:]
Barney: Fine. I'll have a three-way with hot and kind of hot while Giggles works the camera. I ride!

Robin: So, get this: Last night, I was watching TV, and it turns out, some random satellite channel picks up a certain local Chicago newscast.
[flashback to Robin watching TV:]
Announcer: And now, the 11:00 News with Don Frank.
[present:]
Ted: Oh, man, it's bad enough to have to go through a horrible breakup, but then have that person pop up on your TV? Are you okay?
Robin: Well, I'll admit, at first, I felt a little weird. But after the initial shock, I realized something: I've moved on.
[flashback:]
Robin: Finished with that.

Future Ted: [v.o.] The next day, at the university, I had a surprise visitor.
Ted: What are you doing here? Oh, God! You're dating one of my students. It's Rachel, isn't it? Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters, but she's 19! Now I'm gonna have to hear all about it, right? Go on, tell me every detail.
Barney: No, you pent-up old perv.

Barney: I brought you a present. Recognize this?
Ted: It's my building.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you may remember that, a few years earlier, I was chosen to design the new Manhattan headquarters for Goliath National Bank. It was the opportunity every architect dreams about. And when the project was ultimately scrapped... it broke my heart.
Barney: Do you remember how awesome it was to be co-workers... Nay, bro-workers?
Ted: Wait a minute. Y-You don't mean...
Barney: Ted Mosby, it's back on. We're gonna build your building.

Ted: Look, I know this is hard to understand, but right now, I have a quiet, simple, happy little life. And I like it that way. I know what my answer has to be.
[cut to Ted in Barney's office:]
Ted: I can't take the job, Barney. I'm done with that life. No hard feelings?
Barney: Of course not. [shakes Ted's hand]
Ted: All right.
[As Ted leaves Barney's office, he passes a woman:]
Rachel: Hey, Professor Mosby.
Ted: Hey, Rachel.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And I thought that was the end of the story. But then that night...
Ted: I'm telling you, no architect would ever design a giant exposed vent right over a Death Star's core reactor. That's Space Architecture 101. It had to be the contractor. Barney, back me up. [silence] Barney. Dude, this is important.
Barney: I need another drink. Marshall, you want anything?
Marshall: Uh, no, I'm fine.
[Barney walks over to the bar]
Ted: Okay, I get that he's mad at me for turning down the job, but acting like I'm not even here?
Marshall: Wait, you turned down the job? When?
Ted: This morning.
Marshall: That's so weird. Just, like, an hour ago, when we were leaving work...
[flashback to Marshall joining Barney in his office:]
Marshall: So, you still think Ted's gonna take the job?
Barney: Please. I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes.

Ted: Huh. Am I wrong or is that exactly what Barney says when he's putting the moves on a girl?
Marshall: Exactly. I mean, it's almost like he's putting the moves on you.
Ted: Yeah, more like the opposite. He's been ignoring me all night.
Both: Oh!
Ted: Barney wants me to take the job so bad he's putting the moves on me?