20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Nope, sit down. Everybody sit down.
Ted: Okay, who are you?
20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Hello, Ted, Barney, 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted, 20-Years-From-Now-Ted, 20-Years-From-Now-Barney.
20-Hours-From-Now-Ted: Hey, how's it going?
20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm 20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney, and I have got something very important to...
Barney: What's the stain on your shirt, bro?
20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Please, please, I really do have something very important to...
Barney: [laughs] You look stupid.
Carl: Here's your spaghetti. And be careful... with the meatball.

20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Okay, everybody, listen up. When I walked in here, I was 20-Minutes- From-Now-Barney. But that was 19 minutes and some serious acid reflux... who orders spaghetti at an Irish bar?... ago. Now, I'm 20-Seconds-From-Now-Barney, and I'm telling you, watch that door.
Ted: Why?
20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: That's why. Um, oh. In... In, like, 12 seconds.
Barney: Your skin looks great.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Thanks. And thank you for taking such good care of it. [clicks tongue]
20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Ssh. That's why.

Ted: What the hell?
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl: Do not talk to her.
Ted: What... What... Who are you?
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl: We are 20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl.
Ted: But there's two of you.
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #1: Right, because if you go over there and you talk to her, 20 months from now, it's gonna end in one of two ways. Either you are gonna get sick of me.
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #2: [sobbing] I made you muffins because of your nickname: Muffin.
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #1: Or... I am gonna get sick of you and your stupid habits. Stop DVR-ing the news. You're never gonna catch up.
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #2: Oh, stop it, you're scaring him off. By the way, I'm pregnant.
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #1: No, she's not.
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #2: Okay, no, I'm not, but that made you happy for a second, right?
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #1: Please shut up.
Ted: Okay, wait, so you're saying it's doomed completely? One of us is just guaranteed to get sick of the other and call it quits?
20-Months-From-Now-Coat-Check-Girl #1: You've been dating for a long time, Ted. Has it ever gone any other way?

Ted: Hey.
Robin: Hey, you look kind of down. Have a Robin Scherbatsky, on me.
Marshall: None of this would have happened if Lily had let me dance. [Lily gets up] Baby, wait.
Robin: God, you're still clinging to that? Marshall, it doesn't matter, 'cause you'd lose anyway, and you know why? 'Cause I'm Sparkles, bitch.
Marshall: Oh, and you think you can step to me? You think you can step up to the streets? To me? You think you can step up over me to the streets?
Robin: I guess we'll never know because you are not allowed...
Marshall: Wait, wait. That's my jam. Who's playing my jam?