Barney: Ted, get ready to be surrounded by half-naked, grease-covered bodies. And by grease, I mean motor grease. We're going to Robots vs. Wrestlers!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you remember Robots vs. Wrestlers.
Barney: Forget everything you remember about Robots vs. Wrestlers. This is Robots vs. Wrestlers: "Legends". Elderly wrestlers fighting old-timey robots in a wheelchair-accessible wrestling ring. Why are we still sitting here?

Marshall: Here we are at the bar once more. "What will I have to drink?" you ask. Hmm. Minnesota Tidal Wave. "What's that?" you ask. Only the best cocktail ever. "Who invented it?" you ask. Me.
Lily: And it's not a girly drink.
Marshall: [scoffs] Lily, why would you even say that? Girly drink.
Robin: Hey, I am the least girly girl on Earth, and I love the Minnesota Tidal Wave.
Marshall: Thank you, Robin. Matter of fact, I'm going to go order one right now with my head held high. Lily.
Lily.
Lily: You want me to order it for you?
Marshall: Yes, please, thank you, baby.

Barney: Ted, let me tell you the secret to life. Every time I make a decision about what to do on a given night, I ask myself, "What would make the best memory 20 years from now?" So I let 20-Years-From-Now- Barney call the shots. And it always works out.
Ted: And 20-Years-From-Now-Barney thinks we should go to Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Barney: I don't know. Let's ask him. Close your eyes, Ted. Okay, now open them.
Ted: Barney, I swear to God, if I open my eyes and your bare ass is an inch away from my face again...
Barney: Just open your eyes.
[A space suit-wearing Barney is seated next to Ted]
Barney: Ted, I'd like you to meet 20-Years-From-Now-Barney. 20-Years-From-Now-Barney, you remember Ted.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: 'Sup?

20-Years-From-Now-Ted: Ted, listen to me. You, listen to you. Me. You got to go to Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends. Trust me, you will regret it if you don't.
Barney: So, what, do I go bald or something? Is that a toupee? Ted, scalp check!
Ted: Can't Robin do this?
Barney: Come on, you've been doing it for years. You know the frame of reference. Scalp check!
Robin: [from across the bar] Hmm, that's odd. Little early in the week for scalp check.

Lily: Five tablespoons of sugar, a whisper of vanilla vodka and you're done.
Marshall: [coughs] Maraschino cherries.
Lily: Oh, and a handful of maraschino cherries on top.
Carl: Wait, you're ordering a Robin Scherbatsky. Why didn't you just say that?
Marshall: One second there, barkeep. Unless I'm mistaken, the drink this lady just ordered is called the Minnesota Tidal Wave. Origin unknown.
Carl: Oh, well, you know, Robin's been ordering them so much lately that we named it after her.
Robin: You named a drink after me?
Carl: Right there in the menu. Congrats.
Marshall: I can't drink this. [Lily puts a crazy straw in the cocktail] That's better. I'm still seething, but that's better.

Barney: So, you're the Ted from 20 hours from now?
20-hours-from-now-Ted: Shh. Just... shh.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: You okay?
20-hours-from-now-Ted: No, I'm not okay. This dummy's about to go to Robots vs. Wrestlers... and yes, it'll be awesome...
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: See?
20-hours-from-now-Ted: At first. But then you're gonna drink way too much, hence the headache. Then you're gonna jump into the ring and sprain your wrist, hence the splint. And then afterwards, you're gonna smoke half a pack of cigarettes, hence the... [coughs]
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Well, that's the sound a good time.
20-hours-from-now-Ted: And 20 hours from now, when you're me, you're gonna want to come back here, right to this very spot, right now, and smack yourself upside the head.
Ted: Yeah, but obviously I wouldn't do that 'cause I'd only be smacking myself... Ow!

20-hours-from-now-Ted: Don't do this to me, Ted. Don't do this to us.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Don't listen to yourself, Present-Day-Ted. It's a day of pain for a lifetime of memories.
Ted: 20-Hours-From-Now-Me, just tell me one thing: do I hurl?
20-hours-from-now-Ted: Yeah, kid. You hurl.
Ted: A lot?
20-hours-from-now-Ted: Remember when Mom bought the beef from the Price Club?

Ted: Okay, how about this: we go to Robots vs. Wrestlers, but I don't drink too much?
Barney: Interesting.
20-hours-from-now-Ted: I'm good with that.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: No, forget it. If Ted doesn't get wasted, there's no way he'll end up making out with that surprisingly realistic-looking female robot.
Ted: Wait, I kiss a female robot?
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: Oh, you do a lot more than that. Now, look, nobody is saying you need alcohol to have an exciting and memorable night.
All: Absolutely not.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: But in this case, yeah, you kind of have to be wasted.

Marshall: They named my drink after her. The Minnesota Tidal Wave.
Robin: It's my usual.
Marshall: Immaterial! If it's gonna be named after anybody, it should be called The Marshall Eriksen.
Robin: Sorry, it's The Robin Scherbatsky. Read it and weep.
Marshall: Oh, so you're gonna Zuckerberg me? That it? You're Zuckerberging me? That's fine. I'll see you in court. Little court known as the dance floor. Dance-off. Now.
Lily: No, no dancing. Marshall, we've been through this. The doctor said your dancer's hip is worse than ever. You have to lay off dancing for a while.
Marshall: You're killing me, Lily! You're killing me! I'm an adult. You have to let me dance my own battles.

Lily: I don't think you should have done that.
Marshall: Lily, I know what I'm doing, all right? I'm a lawyer. I've thought about every possible scenario. I'm ten steps ahead of... Where's she going?
Lily: Probably into the ladies' room to write something on the wall about you.
Marshall: Nobody writes things on the walls of the ladies' room.
Lily: Have you been in the ladies' room?
Marshall: Of course not. Lily, I know that I have the sexual charisma of a bad boy, but I certainly don't have the manners of one.