Lily: What are you going as? Oh, like I even have to ask.
Ted: Hey, I want the Slutty Pumpkin to recognize me and she knows me as a hanging chad. What? She thought it was hilarious.
Lily: Yeah, four years ago, but nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is.
Marshall: What a sad commentary on our national attention span that we could forget such a turbulent time in our political history.
Lily: [as a parrot] Sad commentary. [squawks] All right, Polly gotta pee.

Barney: You're going as my wing-man. Flight suit up!
Ted: No thanks. I'm sticking with the hanging chad.
Barney: Oh you're dangerous, Maverick. Your ego's writing check your body can't cash. OK. Here's the plan, and I crap you not. I'm getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.

Robin: Hey, Chad, how's it hanging?
Ted: Hey, word play. Funny.

Robin: Ah, everyone, this is Michael. Th- That is not his real hair.
Mike: Where's your costume, Gretel?
Robin: You thought I was... Oh, I was just kidding. I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. It's so hard to convey tone.

Marshall: [as a pirate] What be a pirate's favorite kind of sweater?
Lily: Arr-gyle.
Marshall: [as a pirate] And what be a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?
Lily: Arrr-by's
Marshall: [as a pirate] T'would think it would be Arby's, [normal voice] but actually it's Long John Silver's.

Lily: It's so nice to meet you, Mike. You guys are really cute together.
Mike: Yeah, we've been spending a lot of time together. We're even getting to that point where we finish each other's...
Robin: This cheeseburger is so...
Mike: Good. See.

Barney: Hey.
Hula Girl: Hey.
Barney: So, what does a fella have to do to get lei'd around here? Yeah.
Hula Girl: Right, 'cause I'm wearing a lei.
Barney: It isn't funny if you explain the joke.

Marshall: Apple tart. Excellent choice, Lilypad.
Lily: Thanks, Marshmallow.

Barney: Let me guess. Every guy has used the lei'd line on you tonight.
Hula Girl: You wouldn't believe.
Barney: I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you. Make you a drink.
Hula Girl: You certainly are a charming devil.
Barney: I'm also a horny devil. [pointing to horns on top of head] Yeah.
Hula Girl: No.

Barney: Okay, Victoria's Secret party right now.
Ted: Nope.
Barney: Come on, I can't stand to watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween. The Slutty Pumpkin is not coming.
Ted: She might. Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me... I don't know, hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said. Lingerie models on a boat!