Ted: Uh, excuse me, this is gonna sound crazy, but I met someone up on this roof four years ago and they mixed that cocktail and they loved penguins. By any chance, was that you? It's you. I thought was crazy but I can't...
[The penguin removes its head and is revealed to be Barney]
Barney: You are such a loser. Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score hula girl's number. Check and check.

Hula Girl: Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy.
Barney: What? No no, that's some other guy and he was a kick-ass fighter pilot
Hula Girl: I cannot believe I gave you my number
Barney: Yeah, well, you did, thanks.
Hula Girl: Well, give it back.
Barney: Uh, I don't think so. I earned it fair and square. I'm calling you.
Hula Girl: But I'm never gonna go out with you.
Barney: But how will you know it's me? I'm a master of disguise. Yeah.

Barney: Come on, Ted, Victoria's Secret party now. Let's go.
Ted: I'm staying.
Barney: Fine. Fine. [puts his flipper up to Ted]
Ted: What are you doing?
Barney: I'm flippering you off.

Robin: I just got dumped.
Ted: Man, that sucks.
Robin: Yeah, it's okay. I wasn't that into him. Story of my life. Everyone else is all falling in love and acting stupid and goofy and sweet and insane, but not me. Why don't I want that more? I want to want that. Am I wired wrong or something?
Ted: No. Look, you didn't want to be with me so clearly you have abysmal taste in men. [Robin laughs] But you're wired just fine.

Robin: Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel?
Ted: Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot.
Robin: Really?
Ted: Yeah, he's out there somewhere, just like the Slutty Pumpkin. [echoes] Pumpkin, pumpkin...
Robin: How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night on the roof in the cold and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up.
Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look, I know that odds are the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning but it seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait.
[Robin sits down with Ted]
Robin: Scooch.

Lily: Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
Robin: Seriously it's not a big deal. He wanted to be a 'we,' and I wanted to be an 'I'. Dudes are such chicks.

Ted: Never found her number. Never saw her again. But every year they have a Halloween party up on the roof so that's where I'll be.
Barney: You know, Ted, it's been four years. She could be engaged or married or, God forbid, fat.

Carl: Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. And the winners of this year's costume contest are Lily Aldrin as a parrot and Marshall Eriksen as a gay pirate.
Marshall: Oh, yeah! Wait. What did he say?
Lily: Oh, who cares, Marshall? We won!
Marshall: Gay pirate, where are you getting that from?
Carl: Dude, you're wearing eye liner.
Marshall: Okay, I just want everybody here to know that I'm not a gay pirate. I have sex with my parrot all the time. That came out wrong.