Robin: ...so, if the Landmarks Preservation Committee sides with Zoey, your whole project goes down the tubes? You must be furious.
Ted: I'm furiously enjoying being challenged.
Lily: Why don't you admit that your girlfriend challenging your every move is getting you a little murder-suicidey?
Ted: Why don't you admit that Marshall quitting his job and taking an unpaid internship is killing you?
Lily: It's not.
Ted: Lily, the downside to having giant, Japanese anime eyes is that they're easy to read. And yours are screaming, "What about my trip to Spain, deadbeat?"
Lily: Okay, Ted, the downside to having a woman's mouth is, your feminine pout gives away your true feelings. And yours is saying, "Oh, Zoey, why can't I be on top just this once?"
Ted: We take turns!

Marshall: Hey. I just had the best first day at the NRDC.
Barney: [laughing] I'm sorry. Sorry. Something Hershel said at work today. [laughing]
Robin: Hershel?
Barney: What, don't you guys know Hershel? Didn't I tell you? Oh, he's the new lawyer who replaced Marshall at GNB. He is so awesome and funny and tall. Taller than Marshall and he knows way more laws.
Marshall: Well, I'm glad you like your new co-worker.
Barney: There's no Hershel! I was just saying that to make you jealous! Why do you insist we play these games?

Robin: Why in the world do you care so much whether Marshall works at GNB?
Barney: Care? I don't care. I'm like, whatever. Marshall who? He's stupid. Hershel's way better.
Robin: Okay, Barney, is it possible that with everything that's gone on with your dad lately, you might have some unresolved abandonment issues you're transferring onto Marshall?
Barney: Oh! Ugh! You are worse than my shrink. "Barney, we have to talk about your father." "Barney, I'm not going to teach you how to hypnotize people. You'll only use it for evil." "Barney, I am not going to conduct a couples session between you and this woman. She's obviously a prostitute." I don't need this!

Barney: Yeah. I've been there, too. Every time I'm done having sex with a woman, at first, I never want to see her again. But then... No, that's pretty much it.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you know, I was designing Goliath National Bank's new headquarters on the site of this old hotel, The Arcadian. Problem was, some people didn't want The Arcadian torn down. Even bigger problem, they were led by my girlfriend Zoey.
Zoey: [chanting] G-N-B is the e-ne-my! [over bullhorn] Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on! Hey, sweetie! Are we still on for dinner at 8:00 at Valenzisi's? That's great! I can't wait!
Crowd: [chanting] That's great. I can't wait! That's great. I can't wait!
Future Ted: But somehow, Zoey and I were making it work.

Lily: Isn't it hard for you guys to be on opposite sides of something like this?
Ted: Of course you feel that way, Lily. You and Marshall have basically melded into one big hermaphroditic blob. And that's fine for you guys. But some of us want a partner who challenges us to grow and evolve.

Robin: The point is, you can't trust graduation goggles. They're just as misleading as beer goggles, bridesmaid goggles, and that's-just-a-bulky, outdated-cell-phone in-his-front-pocket goggles. That one was a bummer.

Marshall: You're right. Tomorrow, I'm quitting GNB.
Barney: No! You can't quit tomorrow! The lady with the big nipples is coming back to give another sexual harassment seminar, and I bribed one of the maintenance guys to keep the room at a brisk 55 degrees!

Barney: It starts with an... "L?"
Woman: How can you not remember my name?
[later:]
Woman: It rhymes with your name.
Barney: And I said my name was...?

Marshall: Ooh, I gotta go. The invitations are ready. The party's for a bunch of environmentalists, so I found a guy downtown who makes biodegradable party invitations that can also be used as toilet paper. [exits]
Barney: That's how I'm gonna use mine.