Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, there was one part I left out.
[flashback to Ted and Victoria at the bus terminal:]
Victoria: Good-bye, Ted.
Ted: Okay, yes. What's the answer?
Victoria: There is a reason that it didn't work out between you and me, but it's not Germany. And I'm willing to bet it's the same reason none of your other relationships in the last six years have lasted either. It's Robin.
Ted: No.
Victoria: Yes. She is so much bigger in your world than you realize. And this thing that you're all doing, you and Barney and Robin, where the three of you hang out at the bar night in, night out, like you're all just buddies? That doesn't work. Trust me.
Ted: No, you've got it all wrong.
Victoria: I'm right about this. Good-bye, Ted.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And sure enough, she was right. It didn't work. We just didn't realize it yet.

[flashback to Ted and Victoria at her bakery:]
Ted: Sorry, what's his name?
Victoria: Whose name?
Ted: Your fiancé to-be.
Victoria: Oh! His name is Klaus.
Ted: Klaus.
Victoria: Klaus.
Ted: German name.
Victoria: Yeah, German guy.
Ted: Hmm. When you were living in Germany, and we were doing the whole long-distance thing, wasn't there a Klaus in your class?
Victoria: There was a Klaus in my class.
Ted: And you and Klaus were close.
Victoria: Not that close.
Ted: Yes, yes, you and the Klaus from your class were quite close.
Victoria: Kind of close.
Ted: Was that your Klaus?
Victoria: My Klaus?
Ted: In your class.
Victoria: In my class?
Ted: Is your Klaus the kind of close Klaus from your class?

Lily: Okay, Barney, you want to make this real? Let's make this real. Terms: If you can do all that stuff that Marshall just listed off, I will let you touch one boob.
Barney: Both boobs.
Lily: Just one.
Barney: Touch and squeeze.
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: Touch and motorboat.
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: Honka honka?
Lily: Barney.
Barney: Just touch.
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: For one hour.
Lily: For one second.
Barney: 20 minutes, both boobs.
Lily: Thirty seconds, one boob.
Barney: Four minutes, both boobs, three squeezes.
Lily: One minute, both boobs, one squeeze.
Barney: Deal!
Lily: But if you can't do everything and I mean everything, then you have to wear Marshall's ducky tie for one year.
All: Ooh.
Barney: Deal.

Marshall: Okay, can we stop talking about my wife's breasts, please?Ted ran into Victoria!
Ted: I know, I'm still a little shaken by it. I mean, there she was after all these years. The emotions and memories and... Geez, Lily, it's like you have a butt on your chest.

Lily: Why on Earth would I want to see that?
Barney: They're round and attached to my body. It's an even trade.

Robin: Okay, who wants dinner? [Barney sneezes.]
Marshall: Bless you. Let's go to Shinjitsu.
Barney: Aw, again? Really? You bring that up, like, once a month.
Marshall: It's hibachi grilling with a vaudeville twist. I mean, come on, who's in?
[Ted, Lily & Robin murmur approval]
Barney: No! Forget it!
Robin: Okay, how about this: if you can go ten seconds without looking at Lily's boobs, we'll go wherever you want to go.
Barney: Deal. [looks at Lily's chest a few seconds later]
[later, at the hibachi restaurant:]
Barney: Damn it! Oh, well. [looks at Lily's chest]

[flashback to Ted running into Victoria at an event:]
Ted: Instead of the obligatory awkward small talk, let me just kick this off by saying I'm really, really sorry.
Victoria: Thanks. It's unnecessary, but thanks.
[present:]
Ted: So, wasn't awkward.
Robin: It was a little awkward.
Ted: Not really.
Robin: It was a little awkward. Lucky for you, the cavalry rode in to smooth things over.
[flashback:]
Robin: So, uh... I stole your boyfriend! That was, like, crazy! Like, what?! But... bridge, water under it. It was all Ted's fault. He got me drunk. What? Yeah! Be right there.
Ted: Oh, guess who's here? Robin.

[flashback to Ted running into Victoria at an event:]
Victoria: Oh. I'm really happy for you guys. You look cute together.
Ted: Oh, no, no, we're not together. I mean, we-we dated for, like, a year. But now we're just friends. It's not weird.
Victoria: No, no. Why would that be weird? I mean, if you hung out every day, that would...
Ted: We do.
Victoria: ...still not be weird. Boy, I've never known anybody that hangs out with their ex every day.
Ted: Well, Barney does.
Victoria: Really? Who's Barney's ex-girlfriend?
Ted: Robin.
Victoria: Your Robin?
Ted: Mine and Barney's, yeah.
Victoria: You don't all three hang out together?
Ted: All the time.
Victoria: And we have weird.

[flashback to Ted running into Victoria at an event:]
Ted: Wait. Let me do the dishes.
Victoria: What?
Ted: Victoria, do you believe in fate?
Victoria: I believe you're about to give a big speech on fate.

Marshall: Oh really? Then why don't you do it, Barney? Show us all the tricks if they're so easy. Show us the onion volcano, the fried rice beating heart, the shrimp in the pocket.
Lily: I bet Ted showed Victoria the shrimp in his pocket.
Robin: Hey, girl.
Ted: Shrimp? Really?