Future Ted Quote #182
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole-vaulter, but she did become a famous journalist, a successful businesswoman, a world traveler. She was even briefly a bullfighter. That's a funny story, I'll get to that one later. But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was. She was never alone.
Quote from Robin
Lily: Are you okay?
Robin: Yeah, yeah, um, I guess this, um, this pole-vaulting thing is finally hitting me.
Lily: I don't get it, Robin. Did you really want to be a pole-vaulter?
Robin: No, no, I was, uh, I was always adamantly against having a, uh, a pole-vaulting career, even though it's
what most women want.
Lily: Most women want to be a pole-vaulter?
Robin: In Canada. It's very big up there. You know, it's, it's meet a nice guy, get married, vault some poles, but I... never wanted that. Of course, it's one thing not to want something. It's another to be told you can't have it. I guess it's, it's just nice knowing that you could someday do it if you changed your mind. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed.
Lily: What about the one where you ski and shoot at the same time? That seems like something you'd be good at.
Quote from Robin
Future Robin: [v.o.] So, kids, I settled in for a Christmas alone. I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up, but honestly, it wasn't necessary. So I can't have kids. Big deal. This way there's no one to hold me back in life, no one to keep me from traveling where I want to travel, no one getting in the way of my career. If you want to know the truth of it, I'm glad you guys aren't real.
Robin: Really glad.
Quote from Murtaugh
Ted: Yeah, whatever. I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh List.
Barney: Jeez, not the Murtaugh List.
Robin: What's the Murtaugh List?
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Murtaugh List is something that came into being around the time I turned 30. It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong. When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party, that beer bong came out. And around the time we turned 30, same thing. Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall playing around in their underwear]
Future Ted: But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this.
[Ted on the couch with a sick bucket]
Future Ted: Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to: Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon, known for his oft-quoted catchphrase:
Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
Future Ted: "Stuff." He said, "I'm too old for this stuff."
Quote from The End of the Aisle
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend. More ups and downs than I can count. It was a twisting, turning road that led to the end of the aisle, and not everything along the way was perfect. To be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either. But what is? Here's the secret, kids: none of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love's the best thing we do. And on that lovely spring evening, that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other. And it was legendary.