Barney: Could have licked the Liberty Bell.
Ted: We're going to the airport.
Barney: Bong, bong...
Ted: Why do I hang out with you? Why? All I wanted was to have a regular beer, in a regular bar with my regular friends, in my regular city!
Barney: Ted, Ted... You're not even looking.
Ted: No, I'm not.
Barney: Look, our forefathers died for the pursuit of happiness, okay. Not for the sit around and wait of happiness. Now if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer talk to the same people everyday, or you can lick the Liberty Bell! You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it!

Ted: I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing, but we got out, Dana let us in and by god we licked the Liberty Bell. And you know what it tastes like?
Woman: What?
Ted: Freedom. No, actually it tasted like pennies.

Lily: So I grew up in Park Slope.
Robin: Oh, I love Park Slope. When did you move to Manhattan?
Man: [interrupting] You're from Park Slope?
Robin: Uh, no she is. [points to Lily]
Man: [ignores Lily] So where're you from? Heaven?
Robin: Yeah, I'm a ghost! Died fifteen years ago, like that pickup line.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So there was this one night, before I met your mother when I really wanted to go to the bar.
Son: The bar? Big surprise!
Daughter: You sure spend a lot of time in bars.
Future Ted: Well, that's just what we did back then. Me. Marshall & Lily. Barney. We all used to hang out at this one bar called MacLaren's.

Barney: Get in the cab. Marshall you too.
Marshall: Oh, I wish I could. I think Lily and I are just goi-
Barney: I understand. [to Ted] Get in the cab.
Ted: Why can Marshall say no?
Barney: Uh, because he's getting laid.
Marshall: Consistently.

Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here. You keep going to the same bar, you're in a rut and I am a rut buster. I'm going to bust your rut.
Ted: It's not a rut, okay. It's a routine and I like it!
Barney: Ted, what's the first syllable in rut-tine? Peace out, suckers!

Lily: I'm so glad we finally get to hang out just the two of us!
Robin: Yeah.
Lily: You sure you're okay giving up your Friday night to hang with an old, almost-married lady?
Robin: Oh, please. I'm so sick of the "meet-market" scene. Guys are like a subway. You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes.
Lily: Unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything.

Marshall: [singing] Studyin' law. Making a responsible choice for my future on a Friday Night. Bein' a lawyer had better be awesome.

Ted: [on the phone] Hey, guess where I am? I'm on a... ready? Plane to... ready? Philadelphia.
Marshall: That is awesome.
Barney: Hey, is that Marshall? [takes phone] Marshall, stop whatever you're doing, get in that hoopty-ass Fiero of yours and come meet us in Philly. It's going to be legendary.

Lily: [on the phone] You're going to Philly? Why?
Marshall: I didn't ask.
Lily: Well it sounds like you're having a lot more fun than I am. I'm just talking to guys' backs while they hit on Robin.
Marshall: Ouff, yeah. I bet she gets that a lot.
Lily: Don't you bet I get that a lot?
Marshall: Not with a ring on your finger. I mean, you know, guys see the ring and it's like Cha-Chung! Marshall parking only.
Lily: Oh, of course. That's it, the ring! I guess I'm not used to it yet.
Marshall: Oh, it's totally the ring. If you took that ring off your finger, you'd have a ton o' guys crowding around your junk.
Lily: I'm not going to take off my ring! Wouldn't you be jealous of guys swarming all over my beeswax?
Mashall: Oh yeah, you know me, I'm the jealous type. Any groom so much as look at you, I'm a sack him in the kisser. No seriously, you girls have a good time tonight.