Barney: Getting married, having kids. It's all a mistake. It's a horrible, horrible mistake.
Man: [with camcorder] God, this guy's giving me nothing.

Barney: You are going to miss out on a lot of awesome stuff. You'll be at home with the kid while I am out awesome-ing all over the place. And you're going to get fat.
Ted: The story's not over, Barney.
[flashback to Ted and Robin in her apartment:]
Ted: Okay, time to get the horn back to the bistro.
Robin: Oh, Ted, I don't know if I can go again. That tuckered me out.
Ted: Not a euphemism.

Barney: You did break up.
Ted: Yep.
Barney: You're not pregnant?
Robin: Nope.
Barney: An- And Marshall and Lily don't know?
Ted: Well, afterwards, uh, we came by to tell you guys, but Lily was pretty stressed out, so...
Robin: We decided not to say anything till after the wedding.
Barney: You guys okay?
Ted: Well, it hasn't been the easiest two weeks of our lives, but...
Robin: But we're okay.
Ted: The open bar helps.

Marshall: Lily, go sit down.
Man: Welcome to Wienerburger.
Marshall: Hi. Can we get a number one, please, with no pickles? And a number four with no onions.
Man: Let me guess. Jefferson High prom?
Marshall: No. But thank you. Actually, we just got married.
Man: Wow. Congratulations.
Marshall: Thank you.
Man: That's $7.80. Hey, dude.
Marshall: Yeah.
Man: I don't know how to say this, but your wife just threw up in the trash.
Marshall: My wife.