Barney: No es posible! Nobody moves to Argentina. The Argentinean peso has dropped two-thirds in five years, the government is opposed to free market reforms, and the railroad has been a mess since the breakup of Ferrocarriles Argentinos. I hooked up with an Argentinean exchange student in a Porta-John outside Yankee Stadium. Man, she was chatty.

[flashback to Ted and Robin kissing in her apartment:]
Robin: Wait, wait, wait. We don't want to start having babies right this second. Do you have a...?
Ted. No, I don't.
Robin: Well, we probably shouldn't.
Ted: Yeah.
Robin: Risk it?
Ted: Risk it.
[back at the wedding, Barney notices as Ted is served a bottle of beer while Robin opts for a bottle of water]
Barney: No!

D.J.: All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you're all gather around, Lily and Marshall are going to cut the cake.
Barney: No. Robin, you're not... No, say the story's not over.
Robin: Come on, they're cutting the cake.
Barney: Say the story's not over! Oh, God, this is the 12th most worried I've ever been that someone's pregnant.

Ted: All right, have fun in Scotland. If you see the Loch Ness Monster, tell him Ted Mosby says, "What's up?"
Marshall: Nessie's a she, Ted, come on.

[flashback to Ted and Robin in her apartment:]
Robin: Right. Okay, let me just go change, and we'll leave.
Ted: Whoa, whoa, you get to change and I don't? Uh-uh. Solidarity, sister.
Robin: That is crazy. I have a change of clothes and you don't. Suck it up.
Ted: Well, if we'd actually moved in together, all my stuff would be here, but we didn't, so...
Robin: Yeah. We were all talk, weren't we?
Ted: We're not doing this, are we?
Robin: I don't want to have kids in Argentina.
Ted: And I don't want to have kids in Argentina.
Robin: So where does that leave us?
Ted: Well, we could stay together and pretend this stuff doesn't matter. Or we could give back the blue French horn.
Robin: You stole a blue French horn for me.
Ted: I would have stolen you a whole orchestra.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So Marshall and Lily were married, and Robin and I were broken up. And as hard as it was at the time, in the end we both got what we wanted. She did eventually go on to live in Argentina and Morocco and Greece, Russia, even Japan for a little while. And I... Well, I met your mom. I think for the most part if you're really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life gives it to you. Of course, at that moment, all I really wanted was a scotch and soda and a cigar.

Barney: I'm really sorry about you and Robin. I know I was always joking around about wanting you two to break up, but you were really good together.
Ted: Yeah, we were. She just wasn't the one, you know?
Barney: The one. Oh, Ted, no. Do not tell me you're going to start searching for "the one" again. The only time I want to hear you saying "the one" is if it's followed by the word "hundredth." What up?
Ted: No, I need a break from all that, I... I just want to get out there and have fun for a while, you know?
Barney: Really? 'Cause... you know, you've been in a relationship for a year. You're going to... be a little rusty.
Ted: Yeah.
Barney: I'm just saying... you're gonna need, need, need some help out there.
Ted: Could be.
Barney: Ted?
Ted: Yes, Barney.
Barney: Do you think... Do you think maybe you might need a wingman again?
Ted: I do.
Barney: Yes! Yes! We're back. We are back. And Ted, my boy, it's going to be legend... Wait for it...

Barney: Tell people what?
Robin: Oh, God! Okay. Look, we have some... news.
Ted: But we don't want to draw attention away from Lily and Marshall's big day.
Robin: So just forget about it until they leave for the honeymoon.
Barney: Fine.
Ted: It's pretty big, though.
Barney: Oh, my God, just tell me!

Marshall: We haven't eaten all day.
Robin: All right, let's run some interference.
Ted: Yeah, we'll get you back to your table. Come on.
Grandma Lois: Oh, there you are. My dear, you look so beautiful.
Lily: Thanks, Grammie, but we really need to...
Grandma Lois: And you... you look like a 1940s movie star.
Marshall: And you look like a pepper-crusted rack of lamb with mint jelly.

Lily: We've done it. A wedding with zero clichés.
Ted: Wait, isn't doing it in the reception hall bathroom kind of a cliché?
Lily: Well, okay, one cliché.
Marshall: Well, technically two.