Barney: We're going to Sascha's.
Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
Barney: Sascha. [points to security woman] She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is -dairy!

Barney: Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital or die trying. And if I succeed, I ask only one thing in return. Let me choose your child's middle name because I have thought of the most awesome name of all time.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I said I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: No, the middle name is wait for it. Let's say the first name is - oh, I don't know - Barney. He'd be Barney Wait for It Eriksen. How awesome is that?
Marshall: That is... the coolest middle name of all time!

Ted: Okay. Now I feel bad about making fun of him for the tool thing. My dad was the one who taught me all that stuff.
Robin: Well, to be fair, everyone has some glaring gap in knowledge. Something really obvious you somehow never learned.
Ted: Okay. But a screwdriver? Come on. I don't have any gaps that fundamental.
Robin: Really? I seem to recall...
[flashback to Ted's classroom:]
Ted: Daniel Burnham was an architect whose ever-shifting style and aesthetic... made him a true architectural "chama-lee-on." And only the most gifted "chama-lee-on"... could've designed classic beaux-arts masterpieces... right alongside sleek, modern flatirons. His name might as well have been Daniel Chama-lee-on.
Betty: Um, Professor? Uh, do you mean "chameleon"?
Ted: Betty, I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "chama-lee-on," so... [all the students shake their heads] Class dismissed. No homework for a while.
[present:]
Ted: Okay. I learned that word by reading it. That's how I've always pronounced it.
Robin: Ted, that wasn't easy. It took a lot of "char-acter" to admit that.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I bought the house we live in now way back before I ever met your mother. It needed a lot of work, but I had a vision for it.
Ted: Vintage rolltop desk here. I haven't decided whether to put the fern on the right or the left side. But, you know, sometimes you just gotta wing it, right? Left side. Oh, and right outside... I want to put up a basketball hoop for the kids. Huh?
Barney: Ted, this is your seduction lounge. Sex swing there. Vibrating Jell-O pit right there. Rotating Vietnamese shame wheel right here. Don't ask. You're not ready. And that basketball hoop? Outdoor stripper pole. We'll just tell the ladies to be careful in the winter. You think a tongue stuck to a frozen pole is bad.

Ted: Okay, Scherbatsky. You want to tussle?
Robin: I'll tussle.
Ted: You want to tussle?
Robin: Let's tussle.
Ted: Marine biologist.
Robin: Please, no.
[flashback to Robin with a guy at MacLaren's:]
Scott: So this really sucks, but I'm gonna be... in the north pole for the next three months.
Robin: Seriously? The north pole? Okay, pal. If you want to break up with me, just tell it to me straight. Don't pretend you're going someplace we all know doesn't exist.
Scott: Um, I'm gonna be studying the mating habits of...
Robin: Of who? Santa's elves? Rudolph? You know what? I'm going on a trip too, Scott. It, uh, starts in Narnia. It works its way up to Candy Land. And then, hey! Congratulate me. Because I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts! Expelliarmus!
Scott: Robin, the north pole is a real place. You know that, right?
Robin: So, you wanna get pizza later or...
Scott: I think we should break up.
[present:]
Robin: I still think about him in the shower.