Ted Quote #1377
Quote from Ted in Mom and Dad
Ted: So, Billy, did you really think you could get away with it?
Billy Zabka: Actually, I did. I was gonna give this to Barney and say I'd driven an hour away to get a replacement from an autograph dealer. First, I needed an alibi. So I got Barney's dad a massage but signed in my name. Then I switched the Gretzky head shot with one of myself. I always travel with 2,000 of those handsome devils in the trunk of my car.
Ted: I have so many questions for you, but first... you keep 2,000 head shots of yourself in your trunk?
Billy Zabka: No one ever wants them! They only want the "good guy's" autograph! In the '80s, I was the bad guy in every movie. [v.o.] Do you know what my life has been like? Every premiere, when I came on-screen... I wasn't a bad guy in real life, just a kick-ass actor. No one got that. It happened everywhere I went. Somehow, people
always had popcorn. 25 years of getting crane-kicked in the nuts, until Barney Stinson gave me the best moment of my life.
[flashback:]
Barney: Hey. Hey, some issues just came up with Ted, so... will you be my best man?
Billy Zabka: Sure.
Barney: Thanks.
Billy Zabka's Mother: [answers phone] Hello?
Billy Zabka: Mom? [she boos] No, no, listen, listen. I just became somebody's best man.
Billy Zabka's Mother: [gasps] You can come to Thanksgiving this year!
[back:]
Billy Zabka: To Barney Stinson, I wasn't a bad guy. To Barney Stinson, I was the best man. I thought if Ted screwed up again, I'd have another shot. But I guess this time I really was the bad guy.
Features in the collection: Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid’
Quote from Barney in The Stinsons
Marshall: Let me get this straight. You're really telling me that when you watch The Karate Kid, you don't root for Daniel-san?
Barney: Nope.
Marshall: Who do you root for in Die Hard?
Barney: Hans Gruber, charming international bandit. At the end, he died hard. He's the title character.
Lily: Okay, The Breakfast Club?
Barney: The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit.
Robin: I got one. Terminator.
Barney: What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us didn't shed a tear when his little red eye went out at the end and he didn't get to kill those people? [sobbing] I'm sorry. That movie...
Ted: I am never watching a movie with you ever again.
Barney: They didn't even try to help him!
Quote from Barney in The Bro Mitzvah
Marshall: Another guest? Who could this be? Why, it's Lily! And she's here to deliver one of your requests!
Barney: Oh, thank you, Marshall.
Lily: Oh, not that one.
[flashback to ten months earlier:]
Barney: An appearance by my all-time idol, the Karate Kid!
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Karate Kid was an uplifting '80s classic about a teen, played by Ralph Macchio, who defeats the local jerk, played by William Zabka. At least, that's how most people saw it.
Lily: Here he is, just as hot as when his Tiger Beat photo spread gave a young girl the courage to explore the suddenly unfamiliar topography of her changing body... the Karate Kid!
Ralph Macchio: Hey, Barney. It's Ralph. Listen, it's always flattering...
Barney: No! I hate Ralph Macchio! I hate him, hate him, hate him! He is not the Karate Kid! The Karate Kid was William Zabka, star pupil of the Cobra Kai Dojo, who this monster defeated with a cheap, illegal head-kick in the most tragically haunting film ending of all time.
Ralph Macchio: Oh, see, I thought you meant fun-crazy.
Barney: Shut it, Ralph Macchio. Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!
‘Mom and Dad’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Jerry: [to police officers] She's been missing all day, and I found what appears to be a-a suicide note on my bed. But it doesn't really sound like her. "I'm going to kill my - wait for it - self."
Quote from James
James: That's completely insane. This is how it's gonna be.
[black-and-white musical fantasy scene:]
Loretta: [all singing] We're reunited and I'm feeling so glad
Sam: I'm so much sexier than Barney's dad [plays saxophone]
James: Back together, now our life's right on track
Barney: But she's banging my dad behind your dad's back
Jerry: When you're at work, I'm all over her rack
James: That's not true
Barney: Yes, it is
James: That's not funny
Barney: Mom, break the news
Loretta: Okay, we're screwin' like bunnies
Sam: I'll kick your ass
Jerry: I'd like to see you try
James: Well, my dad would win in a fight
Barney: No, my dad would win in a fight
James: No
Barney: Yeah
Quote from Barney
Barney: What do we do?
James: You back down and let me get my mom and dad back together?
Barney: Um, how about you back down and let me get my mom and dad back together? I can already picture it.
[black-and-white musical fantasy scene:]
Loretta: [all singing] We're reunited and we're going so strong
Jerry: My wife died parasailing and I've moved on
Both: And now our Barney-boy will always be near
Barney: I'll come to live with you and it won't be weird
Loretta: Of course not, Wuv-Wuv!
All: Back together and forever we'll be
Loretta: Mom
Jerry: And Dad
Barney: And Barney makes three
Jerry: We love you, champ!
Robin: And I'll live here, too, since we're married and I'm totally cool with it!