Ted: So, Billy, did you really think you could get away with it?
Billy Zabka: Actually, I did. I was gonna give this to Barney and say I'd driven an hour away to get a replacement from an autograph dealer. First, I needed an alibi. So I got Barney's dad a massage but signed in my name. Then I switched the Gretzky head shot with one of myself. I always travel with 2,000 of those handsome devils in the trunk of my car.
Ted: I have so many questions for you, but first... you keep 2,000 head shots of yourself in your trunk?
Billy Zabka: No one ever wants them! They only want the "good guy's" autograph! In the '80s, I was the bad guy in every movie. [v.o.] Do you know what my life has been like? Every premiere, when I came on-screen... I wasn't a bad guy in real life, just a kick-ass actor. No one got that. It happened everywhere I went. Somehow, people
always had popcorn. 25 years of getting crane-kicked in the nuts, until Barney Stinson gave me the best moment of my life.
[flashback:]
Barney: Hey. Hey, some issues just came up with Ted, so... will you be my best man?
Billy Zabka: Sure.
Barney: Thanks.
Billy Zabka's Mother: [answers phone] Hello?
Billy Zabka: Mom? [she boos] No, no, listen, listen. I just became somebody's best man.
Billy Zabka's Mother: [gasps] You can come to Thanksgiving this year!
[back:]
Billy Zabka: To Barney Stinson, I wasn't a bad guy. To Barney Stinson, I was the best man. I thought if Ted screwed up again, I'd have another shot. But I guess this time I really was the bad guy.