Future Ted: [v.o.] So I threw a third party for Robin. On a Sunday night.
Barney: Oh, this is lame.
Ted: Lame or casual?
Barney: Lame.
Ted: Or casual?

Lily: Hey, law books. Ready for a little fifteen minute recess?
Marshall: Sorry, baby, I gotta work. I need all my blood up here. Has anybody seen an introduction to contract tort and restitution statutes from 1865 to 1923? [silence] Anybody seen a big-ass book?

Tatiana: Hello, Barney.
Barney: Of course.
Tatiana: You look well. Isn't it weird they invited both of us?
Barney: Who? Who invited you? No one even know who you are!
Tatiana: I understand you're hurt, but, you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you.
Barney: Who is Carlos!?

Marshall: Okay, introduction to contract tort and restitution statutes from 1865 to 1923 is not a coaster! Ted! I'm jeopardizing my law career so that you can throw not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not gonna show up. I mean where is she, Ted, huh? Where's Robin? [turns around to see Robin] Hi! Hi Robin. [drops book, takes Lily by the hand and goes to the bedroom]

Robin: So you threw all these parties for me?
Ted: No! Oh you thought that- Oh, no! I- Okay yes. You got me. I [laughs] one of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you to, uh... [Barney sends a random guy towards Ted] This guy. I figured, you know, since it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it [nervously laughs] Anyway Robin, this is...
Carlos: Carlos.
Barney and Ted: Ohhh.

Ted: Robin, look, I didn't invite you to this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you.
Robin: Well, here I am.
Ted: There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy.
Robin: You're not crazy. I- I don't know, Ted. I mean, we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look and it's like...
Ted: Like what?
Robin: Like let's fall in love, and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice.
Ted: I'm not gonna force sports on them unless they're interested.
Robin: [laughs] It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl.
Ted: No, I'm not.
Robin: Yes, you are. I don't wanna get married right now, maybe ever. And if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart and... I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel.

Ted: [reaches in his jacket] Click. Off. Let's make out.
Robin: [laughs] What?
Ted: What? That was the off switch! And I turned it off. I mean sure yes, I wanna fall in love get married blah, blah, blah, but... On the other hand, you, me, the roof.
Robin: There's no off switch.
Ted: There is an off switch. And it's off.
Robin: No, it's not.
Ted: Yes, it is.
Robin: No, it's-not.
Ted: Yes, it is. [They kiss] No it's not. You're right, there's no off switch. God I wish there was an off switch.
Robin: Me too.

Barney: Unbelievable. That is just a recipe for disaster. They work together.
Ted: You jealous?
Barney: Oh, please, what does Carlos have that I don't?
Robin: A date tonight?
Marshall, Lily and Ted: Oh!
Lily: Stop the tape, rewind, play it again.
Robin: [imitates a rewinding tape] A date tonight?
Marshall, Lily and Ted: Oh!
Barney: I'm not sure I like her.

Ted: Hey, don't you have a paper to write?
Marshall: Dude, you're talking to the kid.
Ted: I know it.
Marshall: I'm goanna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna write a twenty-five page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get a A. My name is Rufus, and that's the Trufus.
Future Ted: [v.o.] He got a B Minus. But still, twenty-five pages in one night, B minus? The kid was good.