Barney: Marshall, what you're suggesting is an elaborate, long-term lie that requires tremendous commitment. A nice guy like you can't pull that off.
Marshall: Sure I can.
Barney: Lie to me right now.
Marshall: Okay. I have a spaceship.
Barney: What kind of fuel powers your spaceship?
Marshall: Okay, I don't have a spaceship.
Barney: No! Stand your ground! If someone questions you, distract them from the original lie with more lies. Here, let me demonstrate. I own a pony. Ask me a question.
Marshall: [scoffs] Okay. Um, what color is your pony
Barney: Well, when I first got Dandelion, she was a deep, chestnut brown, but, sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant, which contaminated the drinking water. So over time, she's turned a sickly, grayish-white color and there's nothing that the vet can do to fix her.
Marshall: My God! That's horrible. Is Dandelion going to be okay? [Barney smiles] Okay. All right. You are good! Dandelion's not even sick, is she?

Ted: So the building's really dead and you guys lied to me?
Marshall: We, we just did it to protect you, Ted.
Ted: I can't believe this. I just got screwed by my two best friends and I didn't even know it.
Lily: In Canada, that's called a "Sneaky Snowplow."

Ted: That building was my dream job, and now, it's just gone.
Marshall: We're so sorry, Ted.
Ted: Yeah, I need a drink.
Lily: Poor Ted. Would I seem heartless if I switched us back to Canadian Sex Acts?
Barney: Not at all.
Marshall: I'm surprised you waited this long.

Lily: Alex Trebek, a "Musty Goaltender", Beanie Babies!
Robin: Nope.
Lily: Damn it!

Ted: Wait. So that explains the thing that happened with Louisa.
[flashback to Ted in the GNB conference room:]
Marshall: Good job, buddy.
Barney: Nice, nice!
Ted: Listen, Louisa. What are we gonna to do about this? Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I know you feel it, too. Ah, what the hell. [kisses Louisa]
Louisa: No, no puedo. Me voy a casar con el senor Barney. Ah, a quién le importa, solo vivimos una vez. ["No, I can't. I'm engaged to Mr. Barney. Ah, who cares, we only live once."]
Ted: No! No, this is wrong! For God's sake, you're on the task force!

Ted: Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Marshall: Well, um, you know how you played third base for the GNB softball team?
Ted: Yeah.
Barney: There is no GNB softball team. We just rented out a field, rounded up a bunch of guys and told them to make you the hero.
Ted: So my game-winning walk was a lie?

Ted: I just wasted a month of my life working on a dead project. That's time I could've spent trying to bring my firm new business. Instead, I'm going to go in there tomorrow morning. I'm probably going to get fired. Best case scenario, my boss is going to ream me out in front of everybody.
Robin: Back home, we call that a Sas...
Lily: "Saskatoon Totem Pole." Yes, it's on here.

Ted: Good morning, lying bastards. Anything you want to lie about before I head off to work to get fired?
Barney: That's a nice shirt.
Ted: You're the devil.

Marshall: Ted, what if we told you that we found you a new project at GNB where you would be redesigning part of the 20th floor?
Ted: Well, if that's a lie, it's an incredibly dull one. What exactly would I be doing?
[later, at the GNB office:]
Barney: This is the 18th Floor E.T.R. Basically, Bilson wants a room just like this, only two stories up, on our floor.
Ted: Wait, what's an E.T.R.?
Barney: It's the Employee Transition Room.
Ted: What does that mean?
Barney: Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
Marshall: People get fired in here.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So I reluctantly agreed to design a room where people would be fired But I was determined to make it my own.
Ted: Now, when you leave the dismissal space, you'll exit into what I'm calling the Rebirth Tranquility Hallway.
Barney: Uh-oh.
Ted: Here, you'll find a soothing oval chamber with a trained grief counselor. It's right here, past the New Beginnings Fountain.
Marshall: Uh-oh.