‘Natural History’
Season 6, Episode 8 - Aired November 8, 2010
When the gang attends a fundraiser at the Natural History Museum, Ted sees a whole other side to Zoey when she introduces him to her husband, The Captain. Meanwhile, Lily is shocked to learn that Marshall doesn't want to escape the corporate rat race, and Robin doesn't believe that Barney knocked down the blue whale exhibit when he was a kid.
Quote from Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] You see, every year the Natural History Museum holds its Autumn Spectacular. It's attended
by some of the most powerful and important people in New York. And, thanks to Goliath National Bank... us.
Marshall: Look at us, huh? In tuxedos? Can you imagine if our college selves saw us like this?
Ted: They'd pelt us with their Phish bootlegs.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Yeah, we were pretty anti-establishment back then. Oh, God, remember Russell?
Lily: Oh.
[flashback to Marshall and Lily "eating a sandwich" in their college dorm room when a sharp-suited man walks in:]
Marshall: Nice monkey suit, Russell.
Lily: Yeah.
Russell: Come on, guys.
Marshall: Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you with that corporate noose around your neck. And don't even try showing up to the drum circle this weekend.
Lily: Yeah.
Ted: Oh, hey. You guys seen Russell? I'm supposed to drive him to his mom's funeral.
Quote from Ted
Lily: Hey, we're still those people. One of these days, Marshall's going to quit his job and go to work for the NRDC, and save the world, right, baby?
Marshall: Absotively. But let's just remember, I mean, nobody's the same as they were in college. You know, it's like, I wear a suit to work every day.
Lily: Well, yeah, but you wear it ironically, like Ted's fanny pack.
Ted: Next time we go to Great Adventure, you're carrying your own sunblock.
Quote from The Captain
Arthur: Marshall, Barney, there you are. I want you to meet an old friend of mine from Exeter, George Van Smoot.
The Captain: But you can, and should, call me The Captain.
Marshall & Barney: The Captain?
Arthur: Back in school we met during a production of Guys and Dolls. The Captain was Nathan Detroit
to my assistant stage manager.
Arthur: Marshall and Barney here, are the future of Goliath National Bank.
The Captain: Well, ahoy.
Barney: Ahoy.
Marshall: Ahoy, The Captain.
Quote from Barney
Arthur: The Captain pretty much paid for this entire shindig.
The Captain: Please, enjoy yourselves, have fun, but don't touch anything.
Marshall: Thank you, The Captain.
Barney: Challenge accepted.
Quote from Robin
Robin: I didn't realize you were small potatoes. And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles. [strokes the exhibit]
Barney: Impressive. Try this on for size. [jangles the exhibit]
Robin: You want to dance? Let's dance. [puts hand on the exhibit]
Barney: I live for the dance. [puts hand on the exhibit]
Robin: Get your other hand off my ass.
Barney: Sorry. Sorry.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Well, well, well.
Zoey: You have got to be kidding me.
Ted: So, what are we protesting tonight? Rising cost of jet fuel? The government's oppressive top hat and monocle tax?
Zoey: And what are you doing here? Oh, right. Beautiful old building, you're here to knock it down. Can I finish my drink first?
Quote from Ted
The Captain: Darling, there you are. Hi.
Zoey: Hi. Ted, this is my husband.
Ted: Yeah, old stuff's great.
Quote from Barney
[Robin and Barney each have a hand of the exhibit. Barney is unable to reach his drink.]
Robin: Mmm. Ah, this Scotch is good. How's your drink?
Barney: This is ridiculous. We are two grown adults standing among the greatest collection of natural artifacts in the Western hemisphere, and look at what we're doing.
Robin: You're right.
[They both let go.]
Barney: Want to go touch a bunch of stuff?
Robin: Yeah, I do.