‘Nannies’
Season 8, Episode 3 - Aired October 8, 2012
As Lily and Marshall search for a nanny, Barney is out of tricks to pick up women following his break-up with Quinn. Meanwhile, Robin and Ted try to make each other jealous of their new relationships.
Quote from Ted
Robin: Have you, um, met Victoria's parents, Ted?
Ted: As a matter of fact, I haven't. Because they're dead.
Robin: Are they, Ted? Are they really dead?
Ted: No. Damn it!
Quote from Barney
Barney: Bangtoberfest is about innovation, about ideas. Bangtoberfest used to mean something.
Ted: You just made it up yesterday.
Barney: Enough questions. I need time to think.
Quote from Lily
Ted: So, how's the nanny search going, Lil?
Lily: Lousy. Mrs. Buckminster was a spoonful of sugar... but so far, everyone we can afford on this web site, HeyNannyNanny.com is Scary Poppins.
Quote from Marshall
Lily: And these nannies are really falling for this?
Marshall: Yeah. These toys don't even make sense for a baby. You got an air rifle. You got the exact racetrack with the double loop-de-loop I had as a kid. Can I open it? Can I open it? Can I open it?
Quote from Ted
Robin: Hey, you know what? I-I really appreciate how sensitive and in touch he is with his... God, who am I kidding? Twenty bucks says he is crying in the ladies' room right now.
Ted: Well, at least when he's finished, he's gonna flush.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] So just as Lily was about to call in sick on her first day back to work-
[As Marshall and Lily get ready to leave the apartment, there's a knock at the door:]
Mrs. Buckminster: Good morning.
Marshall: Mrs. Buckminster, hold me and make everything okay. I mean, uh, what are you doing here?
Mrs. Buckminster: A Mr. Stinson called the agency and offered to pay my salary.
Lily: Wow. Really?
Marshall: It's a nice gesture, but I'm still pissed.
Mrs. Buckminster: He also sent along this.
Marshall: Are the batteries-
Mrs. Buckminster: Yes, the batteries are included, dear.
Marshall: Yes!
Quote from Lily
Mrs. Buckminster: Now off to work, you two. Mr. Marvin and I are going to get acquainted.
Lily: Great. I can't wait to hand him off and finally get some freedom.
Mrs. Buckminster: You deserve it. Now hand him over.
Lily: Hand him over, yep.
Mrs. Buckminster: I'll just take little Marvin off your hands then.
Lily: Take him off my hands. Here he goes.
Mrs. Buckminster: Ready to receive him.
Lily: I can't give Marvin to a stranger!
Marshall: Okay, somebody who is not in the middle of a race should probably go talk to her.
Quote from Lily
Lily: I'm sorry, Mrs. Buckminster. We've decided we're not gonna use a nanny after all. You're fired.
Marshall: Calm down. Lily, you're just nervous about spending your first day away from Marvin and that's perfectly normal.
Lily: Oh, I am holding on to you forever. And when I die and become a skeleton, I'll still be holding you. Yes, yes.
Quote from Ted
Robin: Last night, Nick cried when I killed a spider.
Ted: You should've brought that spider over to my house to feast on the ant colony breeding on Victoria's unwashed dishes.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Whoa!
Ted: Barney, What happened to you?
Barney: It was a nightmare.
[flashback:]
Barney: [v.o.] I'm walking down the street, minding my own business and I see one of the nannies that I interviewed, and I'm thinking maybe I can get her behind a Dumpster and interview her again. But then... And then... They were everywhere. I was surrounded.
Barney: Hi.
Woman: Did you really think you could get away with this?
Barney: [laughs] As a matter of fact, I did.
Woman: Time for your nap.
[present:]
Barney: I woke up in a Dumpster covered in diapers. And I found a pacifier somewhere I'm not willing to discuss. What is wrong with me?