[As Ted kisses Stacy, he imagines a little Barney sitting on her lip:]
Little Barney: Hey, Ted, pucker up all you want but I was here first.
[Ted moves to kissing Stacy's neck and sees Little Barney sitting on her shoulder]
Little Barney: From this spot, I also launched an expedition to those two large ridges down there.
[Little Barney pops up out Stacy's cleave and makes the motorboat noise. Ted starts imagining Little Barneys climbing all over her body]
Stacy: Uh, Ted, something wrong?

Robin: Hey, Doug.
Doug: Are you here to see my dad? He's taking a shower.
Robin: Actually, I came to see you.
Doug: I wrote a poem, you wanna hear it.?
Robin: Sure, why not?
Doug: To my new mommy. You're pretty, you're nice, And you smell like daisies.
Robin: Oh, that is so sweet, Even though it doesn't rhyme.

Robin: What the hell was that?
Doug: That was my new mommy.
Robin: So, this picture is not of me?
Doug: Why would I draw a picture of you?
Robin: How many dates has she been on with your dad?
Doug: Two.
Robin: Well, I've been on like five and you like her better?
Doug: We just really connected.
Robin: And what about me? You think I go around pouring cereal for every boy in town.
Doug: Why are you getting so upset, Roberta?
Robin: Robin. My name is Robin. Like the bird, remember?
Doug: Whatever.
Robin: So, that's it, huh?
Doug: Look, you're great, but...
Robin: Yeah, there's always a 'but'.

Ted: Well, I couldn't do it. I broke up with her. Thanks a lot by the way. A beautiful, sexy girl and all I could think about was you being there first. You were stuck in my head like a Chumbawumba song.
Marshall: Which Chumbawumba song?

Barney: Well, what an interesting turn of events. It looks like I'm going to win.
Ted: What do you mean, win? You couldn't even talk to her. You tried, you got slapped.
Barney: That's what you think happened.
[flashback to Barney walking over to Stacy in MacLaren's:]
Ted: OK, great, rule number one no eye patches or props of any...
Barney: [to Stacy] Here's the deal. My friend just got dumped so he's a little shy but he'd love to buy you a drink and get to know you. The problem is he thinks a pretty girl like you won't go for a guy like him. So would you slap me across the face so he could see you're not into guys who feed you lines? What do you say? For my friend?
Stacy: You are so sweet. [slaps Barney]
[present:]
Barney: So now, whatever nice things Ted does for her, in her mind, I'm the guy who's even nicer than him.
Ted: So you never slept with her?
Barney: Not even at all.
Marshall: Wow, that's good.

Barney: It gets better. Remember Ted's phone conversation?
[flashback to Ted talking to Stacy on the phone:]
Ted: Well, have fun in yoga
[present:]
Barney: Well?
[flashback to Stacy leaving yoga class:]
Barney: Oh.
Stacy: I'm sorry.
Barney: Stacy, right?
Stacy: Yeah. Oh, you're Ted's friend from the bar?
Barney: Yeah, wait, don't tell me you go to yoga here too?
Stacy: I do.

[flashback to Ted telling Barney about Stacy:]
Ted: She plays bass in a reggae band.
[back to the flashback of Barney running into Stacy outside her yoga class:]
Barney: I'm gonna head out to a reggae concert. I'm a huge fan of reggae.
Stacy: Oh my gosh, I play in a reggae band.
Barney: No way, I wonder why Ted didn't tell me about that. Like I said, I'm a huge reggae fan. I should go inside.
[flashback of Ted on the phone with Stacy:]
Ted: [on the phone] After a while crocodile.
[back to Barney and Stacy outside the yoga class:]
Stacy & Barney: See you later alligator.
Barney: We are two peas. [Stacy laughs] Wow, take care. Namaste.

Barney: So now with Ted out of the picture, I'm gonna swoop in and take the whole thing. Why? Parce que je le jeu me chienne. Translation: 'cause I got game, bitches.

Lily: I can't believe you got dumped by a 6-year-old.
Robin: Whatever. He's a stupid head. I'm just, I'm done with kids.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Of course, Robin eventually made her peace with kids. And as you guys know she went on to appear in some very important works of arts. Yours.

Stacy: You know, I really appreciate how cool you've been about us taking things slow. Since Ted, you know, I don't really wanna get too physical too fast.
Barney: That's what makes you so special, baby.
Stacy: Anyway, I am so psyched to be playing Sun Splash tomorrow. We go on sometime between 11 and 6 so you probably wanna get there before nine to be safe. Oh, and it's gonna be muddy.
[As Stacy plays her bass, Barney pictures Little Ted dancing on Stacy's shoulder]