Marshall: I can't believe Barney's talking to his dad right now.
Robin: Yeah, what do you say after three decades of not seeing each other?
Lily: "So, how about those last 30 Super Bowls"?

Barney: Guys, my dad's awesome! He's the mother of all fathers. Check this out. Back when I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. You still do that?
Jerry: Not anymore. Back in '83, I'm luggin' amps for the Stones through West Germany and their tour manager loses his arms bus-surfing through a tunnel.
Barney: Gnarly.
Jerry: Long story short, I've been managing tours ever since, and... that dude high-fives people with his face now.
Barney: You're funny. My dad's funny.

Barney: And he's still out there livin' the dream.
[flashback to Barney meeting with Jerry at MacLaren's:]
Jerry: So I'm going to Sydney tomorrow with Bon Jovi. I'll be on the road the rest of the year.
Barney: Oh, that's cool.
Jerry: Hey. You wanna join me for the tour's Asian leg?
Barney: This is going to be the second most fun I've ever had on an Asian leg!

Ted: I hope Barney's dad isn't just pretending to be something he's not.
Lily: Yeah. That would make Jerry a real chama-lee-on.
Ted: You have gaps too, Lily!
Lily: You got nothin' on me.
[flashback to the gang in the apartment:]
Marshall: Lily, can you toss me a beer?
Lily: Sure, honey. [throws beer, it smashes up against the wall]
[present:]
Ted: You have terrible aim.
Lily: That's not true.
Marshall: Lily, at our apartment, you're the one who pees on the floor.

Robin: Oh, my God. Barney's dad.
Jerry: Hey, uh, you're Barney's friends, right?
Marshall: Yeah. But aren't you supposed to be off managing some tour in Australia?
Jerry: What? No, I'm a driving instructor up in White Plains. And I need your help. Barney won't return my calls.

[flashback to Barney and Jerry meeting at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Hey, um, when I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. You still do that?
Jerry: No. I switched lanes years ago. [laughs] I should explain. I'm a driving instructor. Now you get it, right?
Barney: Yeah. No, I get it. Um, but when I was a kid, you... You were this total badass.
Jerry: Oh, I know. I was a real hard partyer.
Barney: Yeah, okay. Now we're getting to the good stuff.
Jerry: The drugs, the alcohol, the women.
Barney: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Jerry: I was outta control.
Barney: [high-pitched] Outta control!
Jerry: So when your mom said I couldn't see you anymore, it was rock bottom for me. I'm so sorry.
Barney: You ever bang Stevie Nicks?

Jerry: I could tell he just wanted me to be this big ladies' man. So...
[flashback to Barney and Jerry meeting at MacLaren's:]
Jerry: Oh, what a hottie, huh?
Barney: I'm sure you're a real player.
Jerry: Oh, big time. Yeah. Observe.
[Jerry downs his milk, stands up and manages to crick his neck. Jerry walks over to the woman at the bar.]
Jerry: Excuse me. That's my son over there. I'm trying to reconnect with him after 30 years. Uh, would you just write down any seven numbers here so that I can impress him. Please. I'm desperate. [returns to Barney]
Barney: Oh, my God. You're a natural. Think of the pickup plays we can run as a father-son duo. There's the "Father Knows Breast." There's the "Bush Dynasty." The "Lick Father, Lick Son."

Lily: Guess now we wait.
Marshall: Hey, I got an idea how to pass the time. Little trivia game. Robin. Reindeer, real or fake?
Robin: Okay, I'm not an idiot. Reindeer are obviously f-f-f... real.

Marshall: Yikes! I'm surrounded by a bunch of dum-dums. Good thing I don't have any gaps in my knowledge. I am perfect. Oh, for the love of God, guys. Enough already.
Lily: What, baby?
Marshall: You've been treating me with kid gloves ever since my dad died.
Robin: That's not true.
Lily: Robin, don't disagree with Marshall.
Robin: I'm sorry.

Cheryl: J.J., dinner!
Jerry: Uh, when I got your letter, I dug this up. You were probably too young to remember. But this is you. This is me. And of course ZZ Top.
Barney: I do remember that. I climbed up on that dude's lap and told him what I wanted for Christmas.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, I used to love taking you backstage. You were the coolest little kid.
J.J.: Hi, Barney. It's great to finally meet you.
Barney: J.J., I'm talkin' to Dad right now. God!