‘Last Time in New York’
Season 9, Episode 3 - Aired September 30, 2013
Lily discovers a list of all the things Ted wants to do one last time before he leaves New York. Meanwhile, Barney and Robin try to find a naughty place to have sex at the inn, while avoiding their elderly relatives.
Quote from Robin
James: What are you two doing?
Robin: We're trying to do it someplace naughty.
James: Huh!
Robin: Not what I mean. That is never what I mean.
Quote from James
Barney: We're trying to sneak in one last bang, because we're afraid that the magic might fade after we get married.
Robin: Are we being crazy?
James: That is what happened with me and Tom. But it doesn't mean it's gonna happen to you. I won't let it.
Barney: Wait, wait, you can't go out there. It's suicide.
James: Consider it your early wedding gift. Why does the brother always die first? Aunt Muriel. Aunt Muriel. Aunt Muriel!
Aunt Muriel: James. Where's Tom?
Woman: I have a gay question for you. How did you decide which one...
Quote from Ted
Robin: Whose is this?
Future Ted: [v.o.] I was faced with a tough call. Come clean about Chicago, or cleverly lie my way out of it.
Ted: Oh. Well, you see, mouth words, memory times.
Lily: It's mine. It's my list. It's everything I wanna do before I go to Italy.
Robin: Oh. You wanna say goodbye to the Empire State Building?
Lily: Sometimes I go and I talk to Empy.
Robin: That's kind of weird.
Ted: Is "weird" the right word? Seems pretty reasonable to me. Maybe even kind of cool.
Quote from Barney
Robin: [answers phone] Hello?
Barney: The third floor's a ghost town. Tons of empty rooms to bang in. Hurry, I've started without you. I mean, I love you.
Quote from Lily
Lily: We got lucky. The Farhampton liquor store is actually pretty high-end. And their security's a total joke.
Quote from Lily
Ted: Thanks. And thanks for not telling Robin the list was mine. But I don't get it. You're so against me moving, why'd you help me out?
Lily: For a guy who loves New York this much, to leave it, you must really need to go, huh?
Ted: Yeah. I really do.
Lily: Okay. But there's still one item left on this list. Time to check it off.
Ted: Yeah, I should probably wait for Marshall.
Lily: Well, we both know he may not get here in time. Be honest. Have you been avoiding Barney?
Ted: Maybe a little.
Lily: This is the biggest weekend of his life and you're his best bro. No matter how awkward you feel, if you're not there for him, you will always regret it.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Ah. Been waiting for the perfect time for this. And, my friend, that time is...
Barney: I saw you and Robin at the carousel.
[glass shatters]