Marshall: You'll be right across the river. You'll be in New York all the time.
Ted: Oh, yeah?
Marshall: Yeah.
Ted: Excuse me. You guys are from New York, right?
Woman: Yeah, we moved here from Manhattan.
Ted: Do you ever get into the city?
Woman: All the time.
Marshall: See? All the time.
Ted: When was the last time you were there?
Man: We just had dinner at O'Rourke's.
Ted: That's been closed for six years.
Woman: It has been awhile. Funny, we don't miss it.
Man: Well, I guess we're New Jersians now. Honey, look, dog shirts.
Ted: I can't do it. I'm just going to tell Stella she and Lucy have to move into the city and that's that.
Marshall: [to the couple] Okay, what do you guys think? Beagle or Boston terrier?

[Barney still has his arm extended in hope of getting a fist bump]
Lily: Are those tears?
Barney: They're awesome manly pain tears. They're not emotional. Okay, they're a little bit emotional. [sobs]

Robin: [on the phone] Hey, Joel, it's Robin.
Joel: So Madam Butterfly wants to come back to the cocoon.
Robin: Yeah, look, I'm sorry I said all that stuff.
Joel: Well, you can stick your sorries in your sock drawer, 'cause you've already been replaced. I've got Brian in make up and he couldn't be more excited.
Brian: [muttering to himself] I can't do this. I can't do this.
Joel: Okay, look, as much as I want to see college boy here wet himself on camera, if you can get here in time
to read the 11:00 news, you can have your old job back.

Robin: Okay, I have a half hour to make it to the studio.
Lily: There's no way you can make it to the city in a half hour.
Barney: Robin, don't do this. I know it's scary to bet on yourself, but if you don't, nobody else will. And I'm not just saying that to get a fist bump. Although, come on, a fist bump would be great. But I really mean it.

Stella: Ted, we're not moving, end of discussion.
Ted: How can it be end of discussion if there's never been a discussion?
Stella: This is part of being a parent. I can't just uproot Lucy.
Ted: People with kids move all the time. And... I think it would be really great for Lucy to grow up in the greatest city in the world.
Stella: Oh, here we go... New York's the greatest city in the whole wide world. It's where dreams come true and pigeon poop tastes like tapioca. Want to know a little secret, Ted? New Jersey is better than New York.
Ted: Better than...? You think...? I... The Empire State Buil... H and H Bage... Lincoln Ce... Zabar's... Papaya King. New York is the intellectual and cultural hub of the planet.

Stella: New York is full of weirdos, and snobs and mean people. Ted, do you know that once, an old lady actually called me a bitch and threw a cat in my face? And you want to know if that happened in New Jersey? 86th and Lex, right in front of your beloved little Papaya King. Ted, people are nice in New Jersey. I mean it's the kind of place where you know your neighbors.
Ted: Hey, I know my neighbors.
Stella: Oh, yeah? Like who?
Ted: Right across the hall, I got... Clax... Pa... Mon...
Stella: Claxpamon?
Lily: His name is Paxton.
Ted: Love that dude.

[Robin arrives on a bicycle at a jammed intersection, four minutes before she's due on air]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Now you kids can either believe this or not, but this is how your Aunt Robin swears it happened.
[Robin rides her bicycle forward. It's seen flipping in the air over the traffic. She emerges on the other side and keeps on riding]

Ted: Hey, Lucy. What are you doing up?
Lucy: There was some loud noises in the basement.
Ted: Sorry about that. Why don't you got back to bed, sweetie.
Lucy: I can't go to sleep without a story.
Ted: Okay, I'll just get your mom...
Lucy: Why don't you read it to me?
Ted: Okay, come on.
[later, after Ted reads Lucy a story]
Ted: [to Stella] I'm moving here.
Stella: Really?
Ted: Really. New Jersey wins.

Robin: [on TV] Good evening, New York.
[watching the broadcast in New Jersey:]
Barney: Hey, look, she made it.
Robin: Our top story tonight, the newborn panda at the Central Park Zoo got its first tooth today. I guess that makes her a... molar bear. Molar bear. Molar bear. You know what? I really am done. Good night, New York. [removes mic]

[Barney is still waiting for a high-five]
Lily: What's wrong?
Robin: Well, I officially didn't get that job.
Lily: I'm so sorry.
Robin: That's okay. They- They offered me another one.
Ted: Hey, that's great. What are you going to be doing?
Robin: Foreign correspondent. I'm, um... moving to Japan.
[Barney lowers his arm]