Ted: I don't know. This does have all the earmarks of porn. Stripper pole, bad lighting, delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to mainstream success.
Barney: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a big old bowl of pornflakes.

[on Space Teens:]
Jessica Glitter: Great job using long division to catch that space burglar, eh?
Robin Sparkles: Well, what can I say? He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life.
Robot: Sparkles, Glitter, we're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh.
Jessica Glitter: [gasps] Brace for turbulence!
Both: [jiggling around] Oh. Oh.

[on Space Teens:]
Alan Thicke: Girls, if you want to get through the asteroid belt, you've got to use multiplication. To the joystick!
[Robin Sparkles and Jessica Glitter grab hold of a particularly phallic-shaped joystick while Alan Thicke instructs them on a video screen:]
Alan Thicke: Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply! Five times six?
Robin: Oh. 30.
Alan Thicke: Yes! Seven times four?
Jessica Glitter: 28!
Alan Thicke: Keep going! Eight times nine?
Robin: 72!
Alan Thicke: Don't stop now! Almost there! 23 times three?

Robin: No.
Ted: We've been waiting all day!
Robin: Just watch it without me.
Barney: Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kind of weird.
Robin: Okay, it's not porn, it's a kids' show.
Ted: Two dudes watching a kids' show might be worse.

Ted and Barney: Hey!
Robin: No! You don't get to hear the beaver song! It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting, and beavers are adorable!
Barney: No arguments here.

Marshall: Look, Lily. Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies.
Lily: I don't.
[The men all groan]
Marshall: Lily, how old am I?
Lily: 384 months.

Jessica Glitter: So, is this the one who's best friends with Robin now?
Lily: [groans] More like ex-best friends. Just like you.
Jessica Glitter: Sorry [surry] to hear that. [plays "The Chicken Dance"] I miss Robin.
Lily: Yeah, well, Marshall and I are about to get pregnant, and I know she stopped being friends with you when you had a baby, so...
Jessica Glitter: Oh, Robin didn't stop being friends with me. I stopped being friends with her.
Lily: What? Why?
Jessica Glitter: Because I had a baby. Honey, when you have a baby, all that best friend stuff - hockey,
bow hunting for caribou, math - that all goes out the window. I mean, I tried to stay friends with her, but it just didn't happen. She took it pretty hard. I even thought she might try to kill herself. [plays "Charge!"]
All: Charge!
Lily: Wow. You dumped her just because you had a baby? That's cold.
Jessica Glitter: Didn't you do the same thing? Minus the baby?
Lily: Oh, God. I gotta go. I gotta go apologize to Robin. I need to tell her I love her, and that she'll always be a priority.
Jessica Glitter: Be careful, Lily. I made those promises, too. And now I haven't even talked to her in five years. Sure, I thought about [aboot] picking up the phone and calling her a hundred times, but I just never have
the courage to actually...
[Marshall plays "Chopsticks" on the organ]
Jessica Glitter: Hey. Go ahead. [Marshall plays one more note]

Robin: And nope. I'm sorry, Barney, but no girl is going home with a guy with a flower on his chest. Unless he's a clown, and she's in the trunk of his car.
Marshall: Along with 50 other clowns. [laughing] It's a clown car.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, by this point, we knew Aunt Robin had been a teen pop sensation in Canada, known as Robin Sparkles. And we also knew that her Robin Sparkles character came from a Canadian TV show, which we'd never seen... until now.

Barney: I cannot wait to see what's on this DVD!
Marshall: Oh, you haven't watched it yet?
Barney: No, of course not. I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about.