Lily: Hey. Where are you going? We just got here.
Robin: Oh, a Korean massage.
Lily: By yourself?
Robin: Well, I figured you'd be busy, reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So Lily did just that. She tried not to talk about babies.
Robin: Hey, Lily, what brings you to the crib?
Lily: [whines] Crib...
Robin: What's the matter? You look rattled.
Lily: Rattled? [groans] I want to talk about babies.
Robin: What?
Lily: Look, I know you don't care about this stuff, but I'm about to become a mother. And as a future mother, I'm gonna need the support...
Robin: Oh, my God! You're not even pregnant yet.
Lily: What's that supposed to mean?
Robin: It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself to the lining of your uterine wall. You see? I read your Facebook updates. God, it's like it's all you ever talk about, Lily, and I'm sick of it!

Marshall: For crying out loud. You broke up with Robin?
Lily: I had to. We were growing apart, and we're better off without each other.
Marshall: Okay, Lily, you sound about as convincing as you did the time you "accidentally" shredded my Joey Buttafuoco pants.

Punchy: Times Square's the bomb! I got so many great pictures of all the billboards.
Ted: Yeah. You know, there's more to New York than Times Square. There's the Village, the Lower East Side, Central Park...
Punchy: They got better billboards then the ones in Times Square?
Ted: No.
Punchy: Times Square's the bomb!

Lily: How did you find Glitter?
Marshall: Simple, really. I used my powers of deduction. You see, I knew Glitter used to be a keytarist, which is basically a piano, so I just made a list of all the keyboard-based occupations and then I cross-matched them...
Jessica Glitter: His friend Barney looked me up, hoping to buy my Space Teens costume.
Marshall: Yo, Glitter... Be cool.

Ted: Punchy, it's time to go back.
Punchy: Back to Times Square?!
Ted: Uh, no. Back-Back to Cleveland.
Punchy: I don't know if I can do that, bro. I mean, yeah, I've been jonesing for a piece of Cleveland-style pizza, but I feel bad about leaving you out here. I worry about you, Ted.
Ted: [scoffs] You worry about me?
Punchy: Yeah. The other day, when you called...
[flashback to Punchy in bed after his phone call with Ted:]
Kelly: Sweetie, who was that?
Punchy: It was my friend Ted. He sounded kind of depressed.
Kelly: Is this the Ted who got left at the altar?
Punchy: Yeah. He's not doing so good. Poor guy lives in a tiny apartment in New York, nowhere near Times Square. He's got no family around. He's still single, doesn't have a backyard. It's just a bummer.
Kelly: Maybe you should go visit him. Cheer him up a little. You know, buy him some shots, do the whole wounded bird trick.
Punchy: You think that would work?
Kelly: Worked on me.

Ted: Wow. She sounds pretty great, Punchy.
Punchy: She's my angel. In fact, uh... We're getting married.
Ted: Wow! Wow! That's- I'm- I'm really happy for you.
Punchy: Thanks, Ted. Thanks. Actually, that's the other reason why I came out here. I wanted to see if you'd be my best man.
Ted: Of course I will.

Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, Lily went to the one place she knew she could find Robin. New York's premiere Canadian bar, the Hoser Hut.
Lily: Oh, there you are. Robin, I owe you a huge apology.
Robin: No, okay? Me first. I've been pulling away from you, and I'm sorry. It's just, the last time my best friend had a baby...
Lily: I know. I know all about it. It's not gonna happen with you and me. And I'm sorry I've been going crazy with this baby stuff. I know you hate babies.
Robin: Whoa. Look, I hate most babies. But your baby? I'm gonna love that kid so much. I'm gonna pick it up and everything.