Barney: Ladies, meet Stripper Lily.
Lily: Oh!
Barney: Yeah, I couldn't get her face in it. But she looks just like you.
Lily: So you went to a strip club?
Barney: Busted.
Lily: And there was a stripper who looked exactly like me?
Marshall: Okay, babe, look, before you get mad, let me...
Lily: Awesome! I bet the guys were going crazy. Oh, I bet they wanted to touch her so bad. But all you can do is look, unless you go into the back room, but honey, you got to pay for that.

Robin: So, strip club.
Barney: Marshall made me go.

Ted: All right, so what did I do wrong next? Let me have it. I'm here to learn.
Jen: Well, I kept telling you I was cold, but you didn't offer me your jacket.
[2002:]
Jen: It's a little brisk out tonight, huh?
Ted: Not really.
Jen: Really? I can't feel my fingers.
Ted: I'm pretty impervious to stuff like that.
[2009:]
Ted: I couldn't admit I was cold. I didn't want to seem like a wimp compared to your action hero ex-boyfriend who you wouldn't stop talking about.
[2002:]
Jen: After a day of fighting fires, Jim would love to come home and unwind working on his '68 Camaro. That or bare-knuckle boxing, which he learned in the Marine Corps.
Ted: I had an aunt in the Coast Guard.
[2009:]
Jen: Okay, so no talking about the ex. Not even about his shockingly small wiener?
Ted: See? Why didn't you lead off with that? [removes jacket]

Lily: Was there a shower on stage? Sometimes there's a shower on stage. I bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and just go bananas.

Jen: Actually you know what it was? I remember him coming across as kind of a player.
Ted: Me?
All: Ted?
Jen: Yeah. We were all sitting over there... [points to a table]
[2002:]
Jen: And here's a picture of my cats dressed up like Batman villains. You've got the Joker, the Riddler, Mr. Freeze...
Lily: What about Cat Woman?
Jen: Yeah, that would've been good.
Barney: Psst! Ted! [points his head towards a woman at the bar]
Ted: [looks over] Nice.
[2009:]
Ted: Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no! I remember that. I was not checking out a girl.
[2002:]
Barney: Psst, Ted. [points his head to Mustache Marshall at the bar]
Ted: Nice.
[2009:]
Ted: We were checking out Mustache Marshall.
All: Ah.

[on the roof of Ted's building in 2009:]
Jen: Thank you very much.
Ted: You got it.
Jen: Yes. Oh, yeah! I remember this.
[2002:]
Ted: ... And there's the Chrysler Building. And the Empire State Building. And at 12:00, a rotund couple going at it against the glass.
Jen: Aw. That's kind of sweet. Oh, look. Snack break.
Ted: Good for them. Letting a guy eat pizza off your back, that's love. So, um... I know this wasn't the best first date of all time, but, uh, I'm glad we stuck it out.
Jen: Me, too. [they kiss]

Ted: That was really great. What went wrong?
Jen: I remember now.
[2002:]
Jen: [after their kiss] Wow.
Ted: Yeah. So would you maybe, um... want to go out again?
Jen: Yeah, I would. Will you call me?
Ted: Absolutely.
Jen: Promise?
Ted: Promise.
[2009:]
Ted: I have been so busy.
Jen: Good night, Ted.

[As Jen starts to walk away, her "cat meowing" ringtone plays]
Jen: [answers phone] Hello?
Ted: Jen, I sorry. Look, I know I'm seven years late with this call, but I was an idiot back then. You saw the goatee. The truth is, I had a great time tonight, and I'd love to see you again.
Jen: Ted, there are two kinds of guys. The guys that you want to call you, who don't; and the guys you don't want to call you, who always do. And somehow, right now, you're both.

Lily: Okay, when Stripper Lily gets out here, you have my permission to fantasize about her. And since she's basically me, maybe you won't feel guilty.
Marshall: Thanks, baby. I'm so lucky I have you. And stripper you.
Lily: Bring out Stripper Lily!

Barney: You know, I don't come here that much.
Waitress: Heya, Barney. He's the usual and I'll send over the other usual as soon as she's done stretching.
Barney: Thank you, kindly stranger.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen... Oh, hey, Barney. Didn't see you come in. I'll load up some AC/DC for you, buddy.