Brad: I've got two tickets to the Rangers/Canucks game tomorrow night. I know you're a hockey fan, so I was thinking...
Robin: Oh...
Brad: What do I have to do? Put a gun to your head? Buy you a six pack? [lifts his shirt]
Robin: Come on, Brad, that's... Wow, There's really six of them. But, I can't.
Brad: Why not? You have a boyfriend?
Robin: No. No, no boyfriend.
Brad: Great! It's a date. [on his way out] Hey, Barn!
Barney: [flustered] Hey, Brad.
Lily: I just thought of a reason.

Future Ted: [v.o.] The next night, Robin and Brad went to a hockey game.
Robin: You're probably wondering why I've been quiet all night.
[flashback to earlier in the game:]
Robin: Damn it, Hordichuk! You miss another gimme like that, I'm gonna come down there and put a slapper right up your beerhole! Come on!
[back:]
Brad: Not really.

Robin: The truth is, I feel kind of weird being out with you.
Brad: Oh, man. Is this the talk?
Robin: What?
Brad: No, this is good. Let's get it all out of the way. Robin, I'm looking for something serious.
Robin: No, Brad, no, it's...
Brad: But before we go any further, you should know something about my stuff below the belt. I was born a little different.
Robin: God, no. Brad, no.

Barney: We're not gonna have the talk.
Marshall: Would you just have the talk, okay? It's a five-minute conversation, and then you get to have sex afterwards. It's great! Back me up, Ted.
Ted: I don't think the talk is necessary.
Marshall: [high-pitched] What?!
Barney: Thank you, Ted.
Ted: Because Robin is already his girlfriend.
Barney: [high-pitched] What?!

[After Barney punches Brad at the hockey game:]
Barney: Brad, we can't fight like this all night! We both got some good shots in. Let's call a truce!
Brad: It's okay, dude. I shouldn't go kissing some other guy's girlfriend.
Barney: Wow, wow, wow, Girlfriend? Hey, come on.
Robin: That's putting it a bit strongly.
Barney: A bit strongly. She's not my girlfriend.
Robin: A girlfriend's a bit much, Brad, okay?

Future Ted: [v.o.] Finally, my first class had arrived. For real this time. I knew I had to make a strong impression. I had thought of everything. Except...
[Ted writes on the blakboard in his class]
Ted: [inner monologue] Wait. Does professor have one "F" or two? Oh, my God... Oh, my God! Professor. Pro-fess-or. They're all staring at me. I don't know. Just do something! Two "F's". That looks right. I think that's right.
[Ted turns around. A woman shakes her head. Ted turns the second "F" into an "E". The woman nods.]

Barney: Hey, sorry I went little too far last night.
Robin: We've been over this. Unless I say "flugelhorn" you haven't gone too far.
Barney: No, I meant punching Brad.
Robin: Right. Look, don't even worry about it. It's... God. The doorknob's broken off. We're locked in here. Did, did you do this?
Barney: No.
Robin: Flugelhorn. Did you do this? [knocks on door] Ted, are you out there?
Lily: Ted's not here, Robin.
Robin: Lily, let us out of here.
Lily: I'd be glad to. Just as soon as you and Barney have the talk.

Robin: Lily! Come on. Let us out!
Lily: No. Sit down, define the relationship, write down that definition on a piece of paper, slip it under the door, and if I like what I read, you can go.
Barney: We are not having the talk!
Lily: Then you'll die in there.
Robin: You're gonna lock us in here? Well, guess what? Maybe we'll spend the whole day having sex!
Lily: Well, guess what? I brought Marshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same.
Marshall: Hey, guys.

Marshall: [reads note] "We're just hanging out."
Lily: Just hanging out? Not good enough.
Marshall: Not good enough! [cracks whip]

Marshall: [reads note] "We're seeing where things are going."
Lily: I'll tell you where things aren't going... out of that bedroom. Not good enough.
Marshall: Not good enough! [cracks whip]