Al: All right, well, what we're going to be doing today is we're going to take this wall out so we can increase the flow from the living room into the dining room area.
Tim: But before there's construction, there's destruction.
Al: And who would know more about that than you, Tim?
Tim: [grunts] I love destruction, yeah.

Al: Well, I'm using a reciprocating saw on these two-by-fours, but it doesn't seem to be working too well.
Tim: I think the reason for that, Al, is because these boards are hard and brittle, and maybe some knots in them. That's why I'm going to use a 30 pound sledge.
Al: Actually, a 20 ounce hammer would do the same thing.
Tim: Where would the fun be in that? And I got kinda of a clever idea. In order to get a good, solid grip on this, I put some of that sticky stuff on my gloves. Same stuff the NFL players use to grab onto the ball. Got it from my buddies at the Lions. Thanks, guys.
Al: Well, that "sticky stuff" is against NFL rules.
Tim: [snickering] I mean, I got it from the Chicago Bears.
[As Tim swings the sledge hammer back and forth, it shoots out of his hands and smashes into the wall across the room by Al and Heidi, with Tim's gloves still stuck to it.]
Tim: Sorry. Hey. I know what I'll do next time. I'll put the sticky stuff on my hands, put the gloves on top, then put another coat. That way I'll get a firm grip. Always think safety. I'll do it right now.
Al: Well, speaking of safety, it's always a good idea to keep a safe environment by clean up as you go along.
Heidi: Tim, this is really heavy.
Tim: Come on, let me see it. Oh, wait, get your hands off of there. All right look at this. Use your own momentum, Heidi. Watch this. Swing it back, and right out the window. Look at this.
[As Tim swings the bucket out of the window, he goes flying along with it, down the trash chute]

Brad: Well, I talked to the editor of the school newspaper about writing some articles.
Jill: I didn't know you were interested in writing.
Randy: I didn't think you knew how to write.
Jill: Randy, instead of putting your brother down for trying to expand his horizons, you could maybe help him out.
Randy: All right. First you want to do is come up with an idea you're interested in writing about.
Tim: I got something you can write about. How big government bullies the little car guy, huh?!

Jill: Hey, you and Randy are going to be the next Woodward and Bernstein.
Tim: Excuse me? [chuckles] I think Joanne Woodward married Paul Newman.
Brad: Is that the spaghetti sauce guy?
Tim: Not only does he make spaghetti sauce, but salad dressing and popcorn, and, the dude races cars.
Brad: Now that's a talented guy.

Jill: "Hey Yo. By Brad Taylor."
Tim: I like the title.
Jill: "A locker room survey shows that our varsity baseball team prefers boxers to briefs eight to one. The one wearing the tightie whities declined to comment."
Tim: That's probably because the elastic strap was cutting his breath off, you know.
Randy: This is pure fluff. "Hey, yo. Tennis team's Drew Levin is now dating his doubles partner Debbie Silverman."
Tim: Way to go, Drew.
Randy: Mom, they'll never put this in the paper.
Jill: Look, it's not a hard-hitting expose, but I bet the kids will find it fun and entertaining.
Randy: Mom, if every paper had reporting like this, we'd have a nation filled with idiots.
Tim: [chuckles] This is great.

Lauren: This weeks paper is out. You know, that was a really great article.
Randy: Thanks, there was more I wanted to say, but I didn't want to hog the front page.
Lauren: Um, technically, you're not on the front page.
Randy: Technically, where am I?
Lauren: You know, I don't think that's really important. What matters is that you got your message across.
Randy: Well, my message is on the page with next weeks lunch menu. I'm buried under Salisbury steak.
Lauren: Randy, it's not that big a deal.
Randy: It is to me. I mean, what could possibly be so important that it bumps me off the front page. "Hey yo, look who's got a remedy for jock itch?"

Tim: It's good to know they're both getting along real well at the paper.
Jill: Well, look. Hey Yo is on the front page.
Tim: Oh, great.
Jill: Randy's article is way back here by the... Look, they make Salisbury steak the same way I do. Oh man, Randy must just feel awful about this.
Tim: Why? Because his mom cooks like a cafeteria lady?

Jill: No, look, Brad stole the spotlight away from him. We're going to have to help them out with this one.
Tim: Honey, no. I grew up with four brothers. And the last thing these two need is their parents interfering.
Jill: Well, I know it's better to let them work this out on their own, but I'm their mommy, and they're being so mean to each other.
Tim: Their mommy?
Jill: Well. Do you think they'll work this out.
Tim: Yes, yes. My brothers and I fought all the time, we always worked through it ourselves. And after the cast came off and Jeff got used to his glass eye, we were the best of friends.

Jill: I just don't get it. Of all the people that they could have audited, why'd they have to pick us?
Tim: Seems pretty obvious they go after the major celebrities.

Tim: Look, all brothers fight, OK. When I was a kid, I got in a terrible fight with Uncle Steve. I borrowed his 56 Chevy without permission.
Brad: Dad, what's your point?
Tim: I drove it into Corton Lake.
Brad: Oh man, I bet when Uncle Steve beat you up, it hurt.
Tim: He roughed me up a little bit. The point is, this fight put a big distance between us, it really hurt our relationship.
Brad: Well, Uncle Steve's a lot bigger than you. I mean he's got those huge arms.
Tim: What I'm trying to tell you is, this kind of fighting can hurt your relationship with your brother.
Brad: Well yeah, I bet Uncle Steve whooped your butt.
Tim: He didn't whoop my butt. As a matter of fact, if he were here right now, I'd whoop his butt. He's bigger and softer now. I'd grab Mr. Porkbelly by the flab and go... "Hey, man. Who's the kid now, huh?!"
Brad: Dad. Dad!
Tim: In a minute. "I tell you..."
Brad: Dad!
Tim: What?!