Tim: Hey, stop it! What are you doing? Stop it! Remember what I told you guys about having laundry fights? If you're gonna have them, let me in.

Tim: Uh-oh. Honey, it's a school night.
Jill: Maybe I can teach you something.
Tim: All right. You know, if school had been like this, maybe I would've paid more attention.
Randy: [knocks] Mom, Dad, I gotta talk to you.
Tim: Get a hold of my people. We'll have lunch on Wednesday.

Randy: I can't sleep. Mark's making that snoring sound again. [snores]
Tim: It's the same sound you make, except there's more of a phlegmy touch to yours. [Jill elbows Tim]

Al: And here's Tim's middle son, Randy Taylor.
Randy: Hi. I'm Randy. Welcome to my room. Take off your shoes and don't mess anything up. [chuckles]
[Tim has an unimpressed look on his face]

Al: All right. All this week on Tool Time we'll be showing you the step-by-step process of building a room in your basement.
Tim: Right. And the first step in any room conversion is a close look at the floor plan. And, Al, you forgot to put the stairway in here. Hm-hm-hm. [Al turns the plans around] Oh, yeah. There they are right there.

Al: Now, before we put up our framing we need to attach this two-by-four nailer plate, which we will secure directly into the concrete foundation.
Tim: And for that, we'll need a power fastener, and there's no better power fastener on the market than Binford's 6100 series. Heidi?
Heidi: Here you are, Tim.
Tim: Look at that bad boy. Solid steel construction, 22-caliber, full three-inch pin capacity. [grunts]
Al: You want to drive in your nails every 32 inches, or every other stud.
Tim: All right, Marv, bring the camera in real close and watch how this thing works. Huh? [hits head on camera] Not that close, Marv.

Randy: You know, Brad, I'm sorry the basement isn't bigger so we could each have our own room.
Brad: [scoffs] You're so full of it.
Randy: You're absolutely right.

Tim: Now we just secure the shelf.
Al: Actually, before you secure the shelf, use your level to make sure it's aligned properly.
Tim: It is aligned properly. I built this myself. I used my eye.
Al: If it's level, this ball won't roll. [the ball doesn't roll]
Tim: Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm. All right, on to the built-ins.
[The shelf falls off the wall]
Al: Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm.

Randy: All right. We used a lot of space-saving features. Right, Al?
Al: That's right. Well, we custom-built in this desk, and we used an expanded steel for the cabinet doors.
Tim: Right. And look over here. A built-in bed with storage units just like this. We used custom-made steel tubing one-and-a-quarter-inch thick.
Al: Marv, you want to come over here? I'm especially proud of this - my own design for an oversized sliding pocket door.
Tim: But wait till you see this!
Randy: What is it?
Tim: All right. This is a reverse laundry chute. You put your laundry in there, it sucks it right up to the garage. Right next to the washing machine. Let me demonstrate. While Al wasn't watching, I deftly removed his underwear. [holds up a large pair of flannel boxers] Simply place them right here. Al, press the button.
[Upstairs, Jill is hit in the face by the flannel boxers as the does the laundry]

Jill: I thought I'd come wish you sweet dreams on your first night in your new room.
Randy: You did that when you came down five minutes ago.
Jill: I know. I know. I'm just having trouble adjusting to you being so far away.
Tim: [over intercom] Jill, will you stop bothering him and come back upstairs?
Jill: I'm having trouble leaving.
Tim: Step in front of the laundry chute.