Heidi: Welcome to a very special Tool Time - live from Tim's basement. Now here he is, the star of the show - Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: [hits head on pipe] Hi. Thank you, Heidi. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And you all know my assistant, Al Borland.
Al: Here on Tool Time, we understand the needs of a growing family.
Tim: That's why we're proud to present "Converting Your Basement to a Bedroom for the Middle Son Who's Not Getting Along with the Younger Son" Special.

Brad: I just came down to get a football.
Tim: That's OK. Why don't you come over here and say hello. This is my older son, Brad Taylor.
Brad: Hi. I just want to say I think the older son deserves the basement room.
Tim: We're doing a show here, Brad.
Randy: Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter what he thinks, because he's a piece of...
Tim: Randy!
Brad: Hey! Don't give me anymore of your...
Tim: Brad! You guys are becoming a major pain in the...
Al: Tim! OK, we'll be right back after these messages from... [Brad throws something at Randy, hits Al] Would you just cut it out, you little...!
Tim: Al!
Al: Oh, OK.

Tim: Well, you've seen the progress so far. What do you think?
Jill: Well, I like the room, I'm just not crazy about the idea of him down there.
Tim: Honey, you gotta stop babying him. Gotta give him his independence, turn him into a man.
Jill: This is the beginning of the end. Now he's living in the basement. Tomorrow... England.
Tim: How did he get to England?
Jill: I always picture Randy being a Rhodes scholar.
Tim: He doesn't need to go to England to study roads. There's plenty of freeways here in town.

Randy: [on the phone] Yeah, Michelle. It's gonna be great. Yeah, it'll be like having my own apartment. And I'm gonna be as far away from my parents as humanly possible... [notices Jill] which is the one truly sad thing about it.

Tim: [hits head on pipe] Ow!
Al: Welcome back to Tool Time. And now is the moment we've all been waiting for.
Tim: That's right. Al is gonna remove his flannel briefs and sumo wrestle with his mom. May the best man win. Go to it, Al.
Al: Do you think you'll ever get tired of making fun of my mother?
Tim: I see no sign of it.

Jill: Is it just me? Or does Randy seem a little tense?
Tim: I don't know what's going on. I came down here earlier and he's trying to trade the room to Brad.
Jill: What? Why would he do that?
Tim: Beats me.
Jill: [opens microwave] Uh-huh. Well, you know what this means.
Tim: You're cooking pillows for breakfast again?

Tim: Excuse me, Wilson. What are you doing? Signaling the mother ship to take you back to your own planet?
Wilson: No, Tim. I'm on my annual owl prowl. The sound you hear is a male screech owl. By playing this, I'm hoping to attract a female.
Tim: So, things aren't working out too well with your girlfriend, huh?
Wilson: No, no, Tim. On my last owl prowl I studied the male of the species. This year I hope to study the female.
Tim: Golly! That sounds like a hoot.

Wilson: So, what brings you out here at this late hour?
Tim: Jill found Randy's pillow in the microwave. You know what she thinks?
Wilson: Oh, probably that he's sleeping on the couch instead of in the basement.
Tim: You're amazing!
Wilson: Actually, I had a little extra clue. [points to Randy on the couch]
Tim: Well, gosh darn it! She was right. If he's so scared, why wouldn't he tell me?
Wilson: Well, Tim, when you were 13, would you have admitted your fears?
Tim: When I was 13, I wasn't scared of anything. If anybody tells you different they're a big fat liar.

Randy: [sings] The itsy, bitsy spider went up the water spout... [rustling] This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine This little light... [floorboards creaking] 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer If one of those bottles should happen to fall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall 98 bottles of beer... [time lapse] One bottle of beer on the wall, one bottle of beer If one of those bottles should happen to fall... [noises grow louder] I'm outta here.

Mark: Let go of me!
Randy: What you gonna do, yell for your mommy?
Mark: No. [yells] Daddy!