Tim: I'm gonna speed up the process a little bit, make the hole bigger.
Al: Tim, leave the floor alone. The hole is fine. It's a standard-size hole.
Tim: Standard-schmandard. You increase the size of the hole, you double your chances of catching fish.
Al: Perch are not that big.
Tim: Look, open the hole, we might get bigger fish.
Al: I don't think you should do this, Tim.
Tim: Trust me, Al. [falls through the ice]
Al: Oh, my God! Tim! Tim! Tim! Oh, Tim! Jeez!
Tim: You know, though, once you get in there, it's kind of exhilarating.

Al: You know, Tim, I was hoping that this trip we could relax and talk on a more personal level.
Tim: How much more personal can we get? I'm wearing your underwear.
Al: What I meant was talk about our hopes, our fears... You didn't lose the car keys, did you?
Tim: I hope I didn't, but I fear I did. [points to the hole in the ice] Do you wanna go in? I've already been in.

Wilson: Hi-ho, stranded neighbors.

Al: Where did you get these fish? [Wilson removes his jacket hood to reveal a beanie hat which is covering his mouth]
Wilson: Well, when I was looking for your shanty, I found some very nice people whose cooler was overflowing. You know, they say the fishing's the best it's been up here in 12 years.
Al: I do not understand why we have not caught any fish.
Wilson: What is that rather pungent aroma?
Al: Oh, it's Tim's hand cleaner over there.
Wilson: Tim, I think I can explain to you why you didn't catch anything. You know, it's a well-known fact that fish are attracted to bait by the scent. However, if the bait is overridden with a more powerful smell such as cologne or hand cleaner that smells like... Sawdust? Then instead, the fish are repelled.
Al: Nice going, Tim.
Tim: You said you liked the smell of that.
Al: Well, I'm not a fish!

Tim: What kind of guy wants to be outdoors and listen to another man talk about what's bugging him?
Wilson: Like you and I do in the backyard?
Tim: [grunts]
Wilson: You see, Tim, friendship is a symbiotic relationship. Two people have to contribute equally.
Tim: Yeah, but it's different with you and me.
Wilson: Well, why is it different?
Tim: There's a fence.
Wilson: Well, fence or no fence, I think Al just wanted you to listen.

Tim: You know, a little while ago you were talking about how your life's become real full. What were you talking about?
Al: Tim, I don't wanna talk about it now.
Tim: Oh, come on. Good friendships are Kumbayatic.
Al: You wanna sing camp songs?

Jill: You fell in? Are you all right?
Tim: Yeah, I'm fine.
Jill: Well, what happened? Tell me all about it.
Tim: I don't wanna talk about it. I spent the last two-and-a-half hours driving with Al, talking with him about everything - boyhood memories, his relationship with Ilene, even why he wears flannel.
Jill: Why does he wear flannel?
Tim: It's kind of a neat story, really. When his dad had his workshop behind the house, it was very cold. When Al was a little kid he came out and worked... and his dad put these big flannel shirts on him.

Wilson: Trouble on the ice, Tim?
Tim: Yeah, the husky's misbehaving.
Wilson: Well, that's too bad. A trip like this ought to be a good opportunity for men to spend some time together, talk, share some laughs.
Tim: That's all he wanted to do was talk.
Wilson: Oh, what did you talk about?
Tim: I don't know. I wasn't listening to him.

Tim: Well, this week on Tool Time, it's "What's New?" What's new with you, Al? That lint? No, that's always been there, hasn't it? New shirt? New... No.
Al: Well, Tim, what's new with Binford is that they've just come up with a brand-new exterior wood filler. It's a quick-drying latex blend that will fill holes... of any size.
Tim: Hm. Like this one back here?
Al: Tim. We'll be using it today on the door and wood frame.
Tim: That's right. Just a little bit can cover up scratches, nicks, any hole you have in that door.
Al: A little dab'll do ya.
Tim: That's a pretty hip reference, Al... or is it Daddy-o? How about a Hula-Hoop? Let's get some bell-bottoms. Come on.

Al: Are you busy this weekend?
Tim: Yeah.
Al: Look, I really need a favor. I'm thinking of buying some property.
Tim: In my neighborhood?
Al: No. No.
Tim: Good. See you.