Marie: You like beards, huh?
Ilene: Mm-hm.
Marie: Me, I'm a tush girl. Did you ever see the buns on Baryshnikov?
Jill: Oh. Very nice buns. But I like a man who makes me laugh. I think that the perfect man is Harpo Marx. No, he's hilarious and he never says a word.

Al: Well, there's, uh, no sign of Wilson, but it's so dark out there, how could you tell? Tim, what are you doing?
Tim: I'm using my know-how to double the heat out of this thing.
Al: Would that be the same know-how you used to double the size of the hole?
Tim: This'll be great. Marv will love it.
Al: I wish you wouldn't fiddle with these things.

Tim: I was just wondering... how long you been dating Ilene now? It's gotta be five months, right?
Al: Well, actually, it's four months and 13 days. Yeah, actually, you know... Well, with you and Jill, how long was it before you realized she was the one?
Tim: When she told me.
Al: You turned off the heater, right?
Tim: What do you think I am, an idiot?

Tim: Well, it'll be all right. Marv and I go way back. He'll understand. [dips bread in the pot and eats] Oh, boy! This fondue'll put hair on your chest.
Jill: No, Tim. This fondue will take the hair right off your chest.