Al: Well, I... I really would value your opinion.
Tim: I can give it to you right now. You wanna buy a shack with no bedrooms, no baths, that sits on a frozen lake. Let me just type that in the old real estate computer. The answer's coming up... Don't buy it.

Al: Well, I know it's just one day, but I hope you won't forget The Al Man.
Ilene: I'll be thinking of you the whole time. And I wanna know everything that happens while you're up there, OK?
Tim: I certainly hope you won't forget The Tim Man.
Jill: I'll keep the oilcan ready.

Tim: Guys, group hug.
Randy: Oh, man.
Brad: Dad, we're too old for this.
Tim: You're too old for a group hug? It's back to individual ones, then. [the boys hug Tim]

Tim: This is Marv's idea of a vacation? Remind me not to use his travel agent.
Al: I think this is paradise on ice.
Tim: Well, why don't you go unpack and I'll putter around here in the living room?
Al: Aw, come on, Tim. Before you put it down, I think maybe you should just relax and enjoy the whole ice-fishing experience.
Tim: You're right, Al. I'll unpack my fishing gear, Hot Rod magazines, radio, and my little personal TV.
Al: You brought a TV?
Tim: You betcha. Maybe we could watch Gilligan's Island, see how seven people feel about being stranded in the middle of nowhere.

Tim: Oh-ho, and I brought something for you.
Al: Yeah? What's that?
Tim: Binford's new Guy on the Go toiletries. Hand cleaner. It'll get off any smell.
Al: Smells like sawdust. I like it.

Al: Why don't you chisel a hole and I'll bait the hooks?
Tim: I could use a crowbar. You got a crowbar.
Al: I got a chisel right here.
Tim: All right. Small hole, huh?
Al: Uh-huh, yeah, that ought to do us.
Tim: Oh, boy. [water plops] Were you real attached to that chisel?
Al: Tim, that... that chisel's been in my family for generations! That was handed down to me by my great-grandfather Hal Borland.
Tim: Well, it's not like it was new.

Marie: What do you wanna watch next? Oh, wait! I brought The Long, Hot Summer with Paul Newman.
Jill: I love Paul Newman.
Ilene: Me too. Doesn't Paul Newman remind you of Al?

Al: Come on, Tim. We're here to fish.
Tim: Don't tell me. Tell the fish. We've been here four hours without a bite.
Al: You know, there's a lot more to fishing than just catching fish. It's about being out in the wilderness, getting away from our women and our job, just men spending time together.
Tim: Al, we spend all day together.
Al: Yeah, but we never get a chance to talk that often.
Tim: You wanna talk? Let's talk. I'll turn the sound down.
Al: You're not gonna turn it off?
Tim: No, I can watch this and listen to you. I do it with Jill all the time.
Al: Well, you know, there's... an awful lot going on in my life right now.
Tim: [distracted by the TV] What?
Al: Aw... Well, never mind. Let's just fish.

Marie: Yeow!
Ilene: I thought you said waxing your legs didn't hurt that much. Ow!
Jill: Oh, it gets easier every time you do it. Marie, you're dipping the bread in the hot wax! This is the fondue.
Marie: That's all right. I'll take it home to Joe. He'll eat anything.

Marie: So, you're on a desert island. You can be with one man for the rest of your life. Who do you pick?
Ilene: Al.
Jill: You can't pick somebody you know. This is a fantasy.
Marie: Come on, Ilene. Live a little.
Ilene: All right. There is somebody I have always had a little thing for, one of the sexiest men of all time - Pierre Fouchard.
Jill: Ooh, that sounds hot. Is he some kind of French actor or something?
Ilene: No. He was the father of modern dentistry.
Jill: That would've been my second guess.
Ilene: He has a beard just like Al's.