Tim: Here's an uplifting tune: I Feel the Fungus.

Brad: It's from North Carolina. This is that scout that was at practice the other day. He says he's looking at me for a soccer scholarship.
Tim: University of North Carolina? That's not in Michigan.

Jill: Who are these people and why are you trying to avoid them?
Randy: These people are Cathy Simms and Greg Clark, the most annoying kids at school.
Lauren: They're like an old married couple. Ever since they heard we were together, they've been bugging us to double-date.
Randy: I think they smell our fear.

Tim: Honey, you should've seen Brad at soccer practice. He was incredible!
Brad: I was the bomb!
Tim: No, you were the man!
Brad: I'm the man!
Tim: Hey! [they bump chests] Ow!
Jill: [laughs] Chest bumping. Something you'd never see two women do.
Tim: I'd pay a lot of money to see it though.

Brad: Coach Martino seemed pretty excited about that letter.
Tim: We're all excited about it. But remember what he said. They send out 300 letters, but only five kids get the scholarships.
Brad: Well, how do I make sure I'm one of those five?
Tim: Come on. You gotta work harder than the other 295. Pay attention to your personal trainer.
Brad: I don't have a personal trainer.
Tim: You do now. Drop and give me 20.

Brad: Dad, another set? I'm kind of tired.
Tim: Tired? Look, we've got a goal. We've gotta do everything we can. What do we want?
Brad: Scholarship.
Tim: How are we gonna get it?
Brad: Hard work.
Tim: I can't hear you!
Brad: Hard work!
Tim: Can't hear!
Brad: Hard work!
Tim: I can't hear you!
Brad: [screams] Hard work!
Tim: I heard you!

Al: Speaking of leotards, it's time to introduce our guest, a professional bodybuilder.
Tim: Not just a professional, Al, a three-time world champion. Here at Cobo Hall at the fitness show this weekend. Heidi, my bodybuilder, please. Miss Cory Everson! Ah, it's very good to have you on the show.
Cory Everson: Thank you very much.
Al: Cory's here to show us how to prevent injuries in the work place.
Cory Everson: Yes. One of the leading injuries in the workplace is injury to the low back, because you're using improper body mechanics. So proper body mechanics. Use your legs to lift, not your back. And never rotate and torque your spine.
Al: That's what happened.

Pete: Uh, Tim, she looks pretty strong. I think she could bench press us.
Dwayne: And, by the way, anytime.

Tim: It's your turn, Cory.
[title: "What Cory doesn't know is that Tim has installed powerful electromagnets in the floor beneath the barbell."]
[The lights flicker after Tim pulls the switch]
Al: What was that?
Tim: What was what?
[Cory struggles to lift the barbell off the ground]
Tim: Maybe you're not as strong as you thought.
Cory Everson: Just hold on a second. I just need a better grip. [exhales]
Tim: Maybe you need the help of a big strong man?
[Cory manages to lift the barbell, pulling sections of the floor and the magnets with it]

Jill: Brad, it's Friday night. Wouldn't you rather be out having fun with your friends?
Brad: No, Mom. Can't have fun. Dad says I need to work on my ball control. I'm gonna keep doing it so I can score more goals.
Tim: This kid's gonna be a superstar, right, honey?
Jill: I guess so.
Tim: I can't hear you!