Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And of course you all know my assistant, Al Borland. Well, today Al and I join you for our Tool Time salute.
Tim: [audio clip] Oi! My back!
Tim: ...to fitness.

Tim: It's good to see you, guys.
Rock: Always great to be here, Timmy.
Tim: All right. What do you guys do to stay in shape?
Pete: Well, not as much as you might think, Tim.
Dwayne: Pete's idea of a workout is the old one-armed doughnut curl.

Pete: You know, Tim, studies have shown that hammering or any repetitive movement with the hand can cause carpal tunnel syndrome. To prevent this, my exercise program goes something like this.
[Pete breaths heavily as he opens and closes his hand]
Dwayne: Be sure to consult a physician before starting a strenuous exercise program.

Al: Well, Rock, what do you do to stay in shape?
Rock: Well, during lunch breaks, I teach Jazzercise.
Tim: [laughs] That doesn't sound too manly, Rock.
Rock: We do it 80 stories up on a steel girder.
Tim: Well, that'll put wind in your leotard.

Tim: You know, Cory, there's some men out there that probably don't think women can lift the iron with the men, you know? I'm not one of them. But just for the sake of argument, do you want to go mano to womano?
Cory Everson: You want to compete against me?
Tim: Yeah.
Cory Everson: You do know I'm a professional body builder, right?
Tim: I could've gone pro, but I wanted to keep my eligibility open for the Olympics.
Rock: What event was that, Timmy? Synchronized Gluing a Board to Your Head?
Pete: I remember that!
Dwayne: Yeah! [K&B guys laugh]
Tim: Do you guys ever wonder why it's been three years since I've had you on the show?

Jill: Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?
Tim: He loves this stuff. Keep your knees up!
Jill: Look, soccer has always been fun for him. I don't want you working him to death and turning the whole thing into a chore.
Tim: This is the difference between you and me. You look at the glass, you say it's half empty. I look at the glass and I say... [Brad kicks a ball through the window] it's broken.

Randy: The couple we've been avoiding cornered us after school.
Lauren: Yeah. Now we've got a double-date with Cathy and Greg tonight.
Jill: What happened to all the excuses I gave you?
Randy: Shot down one by one. You know, we should've asked Dad how he ducks people.
Jill: He doesn't have to worry about it. He's the one people are ducking.

Tim: 17, 18, 19.
Wilson: Easy there, neighbor. You might end up herniating your nucleus pulposus and end up with articulopathy.
Tim: What?
Wilson: A pain in your butt.

Tim: I want to talk about teamwork. Um, you know Barry Sanders, one of the greatest running backs alive. Not much without his offensive line. Michael Andretti, great driver. Not much without his pit crew. Uh, Michael Jordan... Bad example.

Jill: So I'm ready to go bowling. How about you guys?
Greg: You're coming with us?
Jill: Oh, I always go on all of Randy's dates. A boy needs his mother.
Randy: That's right.
Cathy: Lauren, you're OK with this?
Lauren: Yeah, I think it's great. You know, on really special occasions, his grandmother comes too.
Randy: Just me and my women.
Greg: I realized I can't go bowling.
Cathy: You can't?
Greg: I forgot my shoe inserts
Cathy: You know what, we should do this another time.
Randy: Yeah. Sometime after the holidays.
Lauren: When things settle down.