Jill: Hi, sweetie.
Mark: Mom, can you open this can? My nails are still wet.
Jill: Why did you paint your nails black?
Mark: Why did you paint yours pink?
Jill: Oh, OK. OK. I get it. I get it. You're trying to express yourself. It's just part of growing up. I think it's really cool. Yeah, in fact, you know what? I think they look great. [to herself] God help me!

Jill: Why did the coach kick you off the team?
Brad: Because I told him off when he benched me.
Tim: Why did he bench you?
Jill: More importantly, who are you to tell your coach off?
Brad: Mom, we were up six to nothing thanks to me. Then our coach gets this idea he should put in some of the crappy players.
Jill: The crappy players?
Brad: I'm just trying to build up my stats. I had three goals and it wasn't even half-time.
Tim: I don't care if you had three- Three goals at half-time? [Jill nudges Tim] I don't care if you had 600 goals. The coach runs the team, Brad.
Brad: The coach wouldn't have a team without me.
Tim: Me, me, me, me, me! When did you become the center of your own universe?
Jill: Why don't you ask your shirt?
Tim: Shirts don't talk.

Tim: The reason I wanted you to do this is because you're good at soccer. I wanted you to realize your potential.
Brad: That's what I want.
Tim: But none of that will happen unless you show good judgment and respect for other people.
Brad: So I guess I blew it.
Tim: No. We both blew it. I got too excited about this scholarship and I put too much pressure on you.
Brad: So what do we do now?
Tim: What do we do now? I say we talk to your coach.
Brad: What if he doesn't take me back?
Tim: I think he will. You gotta apologize. I do a little explaining. Huh?
Brad: Thanks, Dad.
Tim: You bet. If it doesn't work out, I know a guy that can set you up with a bagpipe scholarship.

Cathy: It's just really great that you guys finally found the time to get together with Greg and me.
Greg: You're not an easy couple to pin down.
Lauren: And yet you managed to catch us.
Jill: So how's your double-date going?
Randy: Well, you remember how I told you Cathy and Greg were the most annoying people in school?
Jill: Uh-huh.
Randy: They're actually the most annoying on Earth.

Greg: Cathy and I can't wait to go bowling with you guys. I have a 180 average.
Cathy: Oh, Greg. You're so showy.
Greg: I'm not showy. She always brings this up in front of other couples.
Cathy: I do not.
Greg: Please! Last Thursday night with Dan and Irene? What was that, huh?
Cathy: You know what? Don't start with me.
Greg: You started with me.
Lauren: [quietly] This is a nightmare.
Randy: Well, look at the bright side. The bowling alley closes in five-and-a-half hours.

Jill: I don't think you'll have to worry about ducking Cathy and Greg anymore.
Lauren: Thank you, Mrs. Taylor. You know, you are so much cooler than my parents.
Jill: I am?
Lauren: Yeah. They have this thing about lying. They think it's wrong. [chuckles]
Randy: That's why I love my mom.