Tim: Oh, could you read downstairs? I gotta get up at 5:30.
Jill: Why do you have to get up at 5:30?
Tim: I gotta take Pee Wee pheasant-hunting.
Jill: You don't like hunting.
Tim: Or pheasants. But I like that radio.

Jill: It's very scary.
Patty: Why?
Jill: Because I'm a married woman. And I'm fantasizing about an intimate relationship with another man.
Patty: Yeah, but it's just a dream. That's perfectly normal.
Jill: No, no. It would be normal if there weren't a real guy I was attracted to and there wasn't some other who look at me like I'm a pair of Florsheims.

Jill: How was your dinner with Pee Wee? Did you get the radio?
Tim: No. He was leading me on. He does this to innocent car guys for free meals and pheasant ammo. Men!
Jill: I'm sorry. I know how much that radio meant to you.
Tim: I can't believe how much money I've wasted on this guy!
Jill: Yeah, but it's only money. And you spent it because you love cars so much. I can understand that.

Jill: OK. OK. If you could change something, if you could wake up tomorrow and have something be different, what would it be?
Tim: Do you really want to know this?
Jill: Yes, I do. Say it. Whatever it is.
Tim: Well, if something could be different, I wish... I wish it could be our sex life.
Jill: How?
Tim: I wish we had one.

Tim: I just wish you understood me better. Look past what I say sometimes and try to figure out what I really mean. You know, when I was talking about shoes, what I was trying to say...
Jill: It was like a metaphor for our marriage. And instead of having my feelings hurt, I should have gotten past my own insecurity and seen it for what it was: An affirmation of our love.
Tim: Shoes. They say it all.

Jill: Someday it'll just be the two of us prowling around the house.
Tim: You think we'll outlive the kids?
Jill: I'm talking about when they move out. You know, it's gonna leave a big void.
Tim: We'll fill the void with all the stuff we've wanted to do together.
Jill: Like what?
Tim: Oh, chop and channel a '49 Merc. We'll buy a fishing boat. We can gut our own flounder.
Jill: I'd rather work on the car.
Tim: All right!

Tim: I was getting my hair cut the other day and I read a magazine that said that a couple gets divorced every minute.
Jill: Gee, you'd think that couple would stop getting married.
Tim: You know, when we first got married, I was so scared that it wasn't gonna work out. And then there was this one moment about six months in when I realized we were gonna be OK.
Tim: I remember that. We went on vacation down in the islands. Walking on the beach, the moon was up there, and I told you I loved you more than most of my tools.
Jill: Actually, I blocked that moment out. No. I had been really sick with this terrible, terrible flu. And you passed up Laker tickets so that you could stay home and take care of me.
Tim: Yeah. Well, I was young and in love. And I scalped those tickets for three times their face value.

Jill: I can't believe it's been 18 years.
Tim: I can't believe it's been all night. The sun's coming up.
Jill: Wow! Oh. Do you remember the last time that we stayed up all night, just the two of us, just sitting and talking?
Tim: I know what night you're talking about. The night I proposed.
Jill: Yeah. Do you remember afterwards we went out for breakfast to that place with the big wagon wheel out front?
Tim: Yes! With that big wagon wheel right in front of the place!
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: What was the name of that?
Jill: The Wagon Wheel. Do you remember what we did after that?
Tim: Yes. I don't think I could still do that after a plate of their Hi-ho Silver Dollar Pancakes. [Jill climbs on top of Tim] Hello.
Jill: Maybe this time we should have pancakes after.
Tim: Hi-ho, Silver! Jill?

Al: All right, why don't we dump this big lady?
Tim: Al, you do what you want with your mom. We're trying to do a Tool Time show.
Wilson: Now, hands off that statue, Al. That is a family heirloom. If that lady could only talk...
Tim: This Tool Time episode would take forever to do.

Ian: Did I overhear you say you're going to see Carmen?
Jill: Oh, yeah. I'm looking forward to it.
Ian: Oh, it is one of my favorite operas. I'm Ian.
Jill: Oh, Jill.
Ian: You know, years ago, I heard Marilyn Horne sing Carmen at the Met.
Jill: You heard Marilyn Horne?
Ian: Yes, I did.
Jill: I love her.
Ian: Oh, when she sang Habenera.
Jill: Oh, that must have been amazing!
Ian: It took my breath away. [sings in Italian] [Jill joins in] That's it!