Tim: What are the boys yelling about?
Jill: Oh, it's the shower again. Could you go out in five minutes and pull Brad out and shove Mark in?
Tim: I can't. I'm ready for a shower myself.
Jill: No, no, no. I have an early class. I have to go first.
Tim: Honey, you know my routine. I wake up, go to the bathroom, exercise, take a shower, go eat, go back to the bathroom.
Jill: Can't you change your routine for one day?
Tim: Well, then it wouldn't be my routine, would it?
Jill: Well, your routines are starting to get very annoying.
Tim: I don't complain about your routine.
Jill: I don't have the luxury of a routine. I have to stay flexible so I can deal with everybody else's problems.
Tim: So, being flexible is your routine.

Marge: So, what's going on?
Delores: Oh, we're just doing a little husband-bashing.
Marge: Sorry I'm late. I'll have the beef dip.
Jill: Speaking of dips, I was just talking about Tim. I have got to find a way to make him more flexible.
Delores: You've got as much chance of that as Marge digesting the... [shouts to the kitchen] beef dip!

Jill: OK. Well, I guess you both have it worse than I do.
Delores: Oh, no, you've got it worse. You're trying to start a new career and Tim's screwing it up.
Jill: Oh, it's only half a class.
Delores: Today. Next thing you know, it'll be half a semester. The older men get the more their routines take over your life.
Mrs. Odetts: You friend's right. By the time they're his age every minute of your day revolves around them.
Mr. Odetts: Mildred, it's 12:00. Where's my lunch? Where's my water? Where's my pill?
Mrs. Odetts: Where's my life?

Jill: Tim, this is important. I dreamt that your stupid routines ruined my life. Your 12:00 lunch, your exercising...
Tim: What you call stupid routines I call self-discipline.
Jill: What you call self-discipline I call obsession.
Tim: What you call obsession I call structure.
Jill: What you call structure I call neurotic compulsion.
Tim: What you call neurotic compulsion I call what I said the first thing.

[dream sequence:]
Jill: I'm home from school. [groaning] Tim, I can't get my backpack off.
Tim: Don't worry, honey. Your fit and virile husband will give you a hand. [slides down the banister, back flips over to Jill] Easy does it, old girl.
Jill: Thank you, honey. Thank you.
Tim: So, how was school today?
Jill: I don't know. I never got there. By the time I got dressed and put my backpack on, school was over.
Tim: How much time did you give yourself to get ready?
Jill: Well, I put my sweater on last Tuesday. I buttoned it Wednesday. I remembered I forgot my underwear Thursday. And then I had to start all over again. Let's face it, Tim. I'm a broken-down old hag and you're a perfect physical specimen.
Tim: It's not too late, honey. Just start a routine like mine. Fifty thousand push-ups... We'll weight train you. You can do it around the house. Just lift with your legs. [straining]
Jill: Oh. You are an inspiration. I don't know how you stayed with me after the way I've let myself go.
Tim: It's just the kind of guy I am.
Jill: There are thousands of younger, sexier women who would be thrilled to have you.
Tim: And I'd be thrilled to have them. But no matter how pathetic you look, no matter how fabulous I look, I'll never leave you.
Jill: Well, God bless you and your routine.

[dream sequence:]
Tim: We've got a great show for you today. Right, Al?
Al: Yes, we do. Although Binford won't allow Tim to do any more shows involving power. [chuckles] Yesterday's electrical accident was the straw that broke the camel's back. [coughing]
Tim: I thought it was your mom that broke the camel's back.
Al: I really think it's time you stopped making fun of my mother.
Tim: Oh, yeah? Why?
Al: Because she's been dead for 25 years!
Tim: Making fun of your mother is a staple here at Tool Time. The audience response has always been huge. 'Course, not as huge as your...
Al: All right, that's it. I quit! I quit.
Tim: You can't quit. Ten more years you qualify for health insurance.
Al: I'm not fallin' for that one again.

[dream sequence:]
Heidi: Timmy?
Tim: What?
Heidi: Could I have Al's lines?
Tim: No.
Heidi: Well, then I quit, too.
Tim: Go ahead. I'm not changing Tool Time. The audience loves Tool Time just the way it is. Right, audience?
Old Man #1: We haven't liked the show in 20 years.
Tim: Why do you show up every day?
Old Man #2: It's part of our routine.

Tim: Wow. [whistles] What a dream.
Jill: What?
Tim: You were dead.
Jill: Dead?
Tim: Squashed under the coffee table. Heidi and Al left the show. And Wilson turned into Mother Goose.

Tim: Well, I gotta figure out a way to be more flexible with this.
Jill: That would be great.
Tim: I don't want it to end up like in that dream.
Jill: It was that bad?
Tim: It was horrible. Oh, boy. You were gone. Everybody I cared about was gone. I was all alone. I was terrific-looking but I was all alone.
Jill: What did I look like?
Tim: I-I really didn't get a good look at you. Do you remember that old woman in The Waltons?

Tim: Let's move on to Al's tricycle. Actually, this is my father's tricycle. I hope someday to hand it down to my child.
Tim: Problem: [suspenseful music] Doing refurbishing you find some bolts are rusted shut. That is a real problem. [suspenseful music]
Al: Solution: Use a little penetrating oil on the rusty area.
Tim: It should work perfect every time. [straining]
Al: Tim- [stammering] You're bending it!
Tim: When they're really stuck like this you can use a little heat to help out.
Al: Uh, well, if you're gonna use a lot of heat you want to wipe off the excess... ...excess... [the tricycle catches fire] You've completely destroyed my tricycle!
Tim: [metal hitting floor] Well, look there. The bolt came free. It's no longer a problem. [suspenseful music]