Heidi: Welcome back to our St. Patrick's Day Tool Time.
Al: And our salute to everything Irish.
Tim: [with Irish accent] There once was a lad from Nantucket...
Al: Tim.
Tim: First off, thanks to Seamus O'Connor for showing his antique Waterford crystal collection. It's priceless.
Al: Yeah. [glass shattering]
Tim: And somewhat fragile. Sorry, Seamus.
Al: Thank you, Seamus. You knew this was a possibility when you came on the show.

Tim: I guess you guys really know how to party on St. Patty's Day.
Pete: That's right. It's a big holiday up at K&B. It's right up there with Christmas... and Friday.

Al: Well, tell me this, since St. Patty's falls on a Tuesday, how do you find time to celebrate?
Dwayne: It is a challenging dilemma. But being skilled craftspersons, we've designed our own accouterments for just such a situation.
Tim: Well, your accouterments look suspiciously like just a green tool box.
Pete: Well, to the untrained eye, Tim. Open her up.
Tim: Aww.
Pete: Voila. A traditional Irish feast.
Tim: Look at that. Corned beef and cabbage.
Rock: Yeah, you betcha. And look down in this compartment. Instead of your nails and screws, you got your spuds and stews.
Al: Ah, it's a little oily there. [eats]
Rock: Yeah, well, that's where we typically keep the WD-40.

Jill: Tim? Where are you? I thought you were gonna help me with these bulbs.
Tim: Oh, I'll help you with those bulbs, all right.
Jill: What is that?
Tim: It's my bulb blaster.
Jill: Is this really necessary?
Tim: Probably not. But it's gonna be a lot of fun. Now, stand up. OK. Stand back. [gun blast] It's tulip time in Beijing. Look at that.

Wilson: Well, top o' the morning to you, Taylor twosome.
Jill: Good morning.
Wilson: Jill, I wanted to bring you a basket of St. Patrick's Day goodies before I leave.
Jill: Oh, thank you. What a nice thing for you to do. Where are you going?
Wilson: I'm spending three days with my good friend Sean McCormack in Dublin.
Tim: You're going to Ireland for just three days?
Wilson: Dublin, Ohio.
Tim: Then the three days'll be plenty, won't it?

Willow: Uncle Wilson, the guy with the nerve gas is here. And I may have a lead on a place to stay.
Jill: Tim and I were just talking. We'd like you to stay with us.
Willow: Oh, I wouldn't want to put anybody out.
Jill: You wouldn't be putting anyone out. We'll have the boys double up.
Tim: And if that doesn't work, Jill and I will double up.

Tim: Willow, thanks for making us dinner.
Jill: Oh, it's delicious.
Willow: Making dinner's fun when you get to cook for people you like.
Jill: Mmm. Maybe that's been my problem all along.

Tim: What are you still doing up?
Jill: It's two o'clock. Willow's still not back. I'm worried. What are you doing up?
Tim: That Moroccan food was a bit spicy. That Marrakech Express has been running all night.
Jill: I wonder if there something's going on with Willow. You know, I've seen girls like her in counseling. Because they don't have a strong parental role model, they lack direction. They get lost and stay that way for the rest of their lives.
Tim: [belches] Excuse me. You came up with that based on the fact that she's two hours late?
Jill: No. I came up with that theory the minute I met her. Just never had the opportunity to obsess about it.
Tim: Honey, don't do this. First thing, she's not our daughter and she's 26 years old. Second of all, she's been living like this her whole life. I think she's seems to doing pretty well.
Jill: Have you seen people who seem OK, but inside they're racked with pain?
Tim: [groans] You are singing to the choir.

Jill: Do you guys think you have any idea where Willow is?
Brad: Maybe she's at a friend's house.
Randy: Could be working.
Mark: Maybe she fell in a big hole and can't get out. [off their looks] What? It could happen.

Jill: Maybe she has an address book. She's been staying in Brad's room. We should check there.
Tim: Or over at Wilson's.
Randy: Dad, Wilson's house is being bombed with nerve gas. Who's gonna go in?
Tim: [grunts]