Tim Quote #2918
Willow: Uncle Wilson, the guy with the nerve gas is here. And I may have a lead on a place to stay.
Jill: Tim and I were just talking. We'd like you to stay with us.
Willow: Oh, I wouldn't want to put anybody out.
Jill: You wouldn't be putting anyone out. We'll have the boys double up.
Tim: And if that doesn't work, Jill and I will double up.
Quote from Tim
Heidi: Welcome back to our St. Patrick's Day Tool Time.
Al: And our salute to everything Irish.
Tim: [with Irish accent] There once was a lad from Nantucket...
Tim: First off, thanks to Seamus O'Connor for showing his antique Waterford crystal collection. It's priceless.
Al: Yeah. [glass shattering]
Tim: And somewhat fragile. Sorry, Seamus.
Al: Thank you, Seamus. You knew this was a possibility when you came on the show.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.