Jill: Tim. Mom just told me that she's bringing a date for Christmas.
Tim: Why doesn't she bring a whole box of dates? You can put them in your "Christmas cake."
Jill: No. Come here. His name is Parker. She's been seeing him for a couple of months.
Tim: Wow. That's, uh, kind of soon. I mean... How do you feel about that?
Jill: Well, I was in shock. I mean, I'm starting to give her this photo of her and Dad, then she starts talking about this other man. I didn't feel I could give it to her. Do you think I'm overreacting?
Tim: No. I think you're taking this very well. My mom waited 30 years to start dating and I still think it's too soon.
Jill: Well, it's obviously a little awkward for me, but it's not about me. So I'm gonna be supportive and when Parker gets here we'll be hospitable.
Tim: It'll be easier for me. He's not shacking up with my mom. [off Jill's look] Whatever I can do to help.

Tim: See, Parker, here's my problem. Even with Even with Wilson's allotment of electricity, I still can't get these mechanical things to work properly.
Parker: If I'm reading this right, this doesn't say anything about voltage.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Parker: You can use a 220 volt line for your appliances instead of the standard 110. It takes the same 20-amp breaker, but doubles your power.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah. Double your power, double your fun. [grunts] Oh, oh, oh! Let's go to the garage.

Tim: Parker figured out how to get more electricity without breaking the rules. This guy's sneaky. I like him.
Parker: You're pretty sneaky yourself. You figured out how to use a motor from your dryer. [Tim chuckles]
Jill: You're taking apart our dryer?
Tim: I'm taking apart the dryer for you. It's for the holidays. You won't have to do laundry until way into the new year.
Parker: Guess what, Tim asked me to come to Tool Time.
Lillian: Oh, that's wonderful. Now, just remember, if Tim uses words like "tweaked" and "souped up" and "uh-oh," you run like hell.

Tim: [chuckles] Parker's a great guy. Hey, how would you feel about him becoming part of the family?
[Jill throws a sponge at Tim's "Partridge in a Peartree" display, knocking Keith Partridge's head clean off]
Tim: You throw pretty good for a girl.

Tim: What do you got against Keith Partridge? He's not dating your mother.

Jill: Well, how come you never took my father's suggestions about the Christmas lights?
Tim: Jill, your father never gave me suggestions. He gave me orders.
Jill: OK, yeah, he was gruff. He was a very difficult person, but that doesn't make this easier. It seems like Mom's happier with Parker than she ever was with Dad.
Tim: That's not the case. It's just because it's a new relationship. Honey, please.
Jill: I've got to talk to Mom about this thing, the way I feel.
Tim: No, no, don't.
Jill: Why not?
Tim: It's Christmastime. It's no time to tell people how you feel.

Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Yule Man" Taylor. Of course, you all know my assistant, Al Borland.
Al: Thank you. Well, it's almost Christmas, and Christmas is a time for giving.
Tim: Right. And for you last-minute shoppers, the old "Tool Man" here's got a selection of last-minute gift ideas.
Al: And to start us off, we have the Binford 6100 Sleep Enhancer.
Tim: It's for you guys who just can't drift off to sleep. Now you got a machine that produces sounds to help you deep, deep sleep.
Al: That's right. We have "Primeval Forest," "Babbling Brook".
Tim: Boring. Boring. I like this one. [race cars sound] Ahh. Indy cars going 220 miles an hour. [snores]

Jill: Oh. I brought you a present.
Wilson: Oh, my goodness. Oh, boy, that's heavy. Jill, is it fruitcake?
Jill: No, it's not a fruitcake! It's a Christmas cake. It's made with mangoes and papayas and... Oh, hell, it's a fruitcake! Fruitcake! Fruitcake! Fruitcake!

Tim: Wilson, I want to show you Santa's sleigh.
Wilson: Not right now, Tim.
Tim: It'll just take a minute.
Wilson: Just a couple of minutes, please.
Tim: I want to show you.
Jill: What if I say the wrong thing and she gets hurt?
Wilson: Well, she won't if you just express yourself in a sensitive and tactful way.
[The Santa slides down the track into Wilson's yard]
Wilson: Tim, will you keep your freaking Santa out of my yard?!

Jill: Mom, I have to talk to you about something. Um... I hope that you don't hate me for saying this, but I am uncomfortable with you dating.
Lillian: Oh, I see.
Jill: It doesn't have anything to do with Parker. He's a great guy. It's just so soon after Dad's death.
Lillian: Well, it seemed soon to me, too. So that's why when Parker first asked me out in the grocery store, I said no. I thought it would be disrespectful to the memory of your father.
Jill: So, you waited till you got to the parking lot?
Lillian: For your information, I turned Parker down for weeks. I spent a lot of sleepless nights feeling guilty for even considering going out with him.
Jill: Well, Mom, that's what you should feel! I mean, you were married to Dad for 50 years!
Lillian: It was 51 years. And seven months. And I don't need you to tell me how I should feel.