Tim Quote #2757
Quote from Tim in Bright Christmas
Jill: Tim. Mom just told me that she's bringing a date for Christmas.
Tim: Why doesn't she bring a whole box of dates? You can put them in your "Christmas cake."
Jill: No. Come here. His name is Parker. She's been seeing him for a couple of months.
Tim: Wow. That's, uh, kind of soon. I mean... How do you feel about that?
Jill: Well, I was in shock. I mean, I'm starting to give her this photo of her and Dad, then she starts talking about this other man. I didn't feel I could give it to her. Do you think I'm overreacting?
Tim: No. I think you're taking this very well. My mom waited 30 years to start dating and I still think it's too soon.
Jill: Well, it's obviously a little awkward for me, but it's not about me. So I'm gonna be supportive and when Parker gets here we'll be hospitable.
Tim: It'll be easier for me. He's not shacking up with my mom. [off Jill's look] Whatever I can do to help.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Bright Christmas’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: This will be my most exciting lighting display ever. The guys at the power plant will be working overtime for this bad boy, huh?
Mark: Uh, you might want to read this flyer. I found it in the mailbox. It's from the lighting contest committee.
Tim: "Because certain rooftop displays have continually exceeded the bounds of prudent energy consumption and good taste, this year's lighting contest will be strictly regulated"?!
Randy: They're pulling the plug on you, Dad.
Tim: What makes you think this has to do with me?
Randy: It says right here, "To be referred to, henceforth, as the Tim Taylor clause".
Tim: This is bunk. This is bunk. Come on! "Electricity is limited to two 20-amp breakers." Who can work with that? "No bulbs over 25 watts." Ha, ha! "Maximum height of elves, three feet." What kind of elf is three foot tall?
Brad: Yeah, well, this one's gonna kill you. "Nativity scenes may include only characters specifically mentioned in the Bible."
Randy: Which means no more Three Stooges.
Tim: Those were the Three Wise Men.
Randy: Oh, really? Then why were they poking each other in the eye?
Tim: To break up the trip.
Quote from Wilson
Jill: I'm sorry, I'm just upset about this whole thing with my mother and her new boyfriend.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Jill: Tim says I should wait till after the holidays to talk to her about it, but I'm acting so crazy. I'm throwing baked goods at Keith Partridge. I don't know. What do you think?
Wilson: Well, he's no Greg Brady, but....
Jill: No! I mean, what do you think about whether I should talk to her.
Wilson: Well, I agree with the poet William Blake, who said, "I was angry with my friend I told my wrath My wrath did end".
Jill: Yeah, but if I talk to her it could ruin her Christmas.
Wilson: If you don't talk to her, it could ruin everybody else's.
Quote from Al
Al: Well, in the meantime, why don't we look at some stocking stuffers from Binford?
Heidi: This year, say "Merry Christmas" with how-to videos starring Tim and Al.
Al: That's right. Show your loved ones how to get rid of that annoying hum from lights in Silence of the Lamps.
Heidi: And learn when to use nails instead of adhesives in Glueless.
Al: And my personal favorite, The Nutty Compressor. They loved this one in France.