Tim: Well, congratulations. You're now the Ping-Pong champion in the Taylor house.
Mark: You let me win.
Tim: I didn't let you win. You got that delicate high slow lob. I lose concentration before it hits the table. It's brilliant.

Tim: Where are all the mugs?
Mark: In the sink with the dirty dishes.
Tim: Ah, shucks. I want a cup of coffee.
Mark: Why don't you just wash one?
Tim: Mark, a man never loads a dishwasher till the sink is completely filled. And besides, I just want some coffee, and all I need there is something with a handle. And I think the moo-cow creamer's gonna work. That's good. That's good.

Tim: The cover? You've been working a month, you're doing the cover?
Jill: Yes.
Tim: What you gonna do? Tiger Stadium moving? The new riverfront project?
Jill: Compost.
Tim: You're not bringing your work home, are you?

Jill: Did you not notice the dirty dishes in the sink?
Tim: I didn't even notice those there.
Mark: But, Dad, you said...
Tim: Eat a grape.

Jill: What are you doing?
Tim: [moos] Enjoying a cup of coffee.
Jill: You're sucking coffee out of a cow.
Tim: That way I don't have to add milk.

Randy: Mom, we need our pants for football practice.
Jill: Oh, no. I meant to wash those this morning.
Tim: That's OK, I'll take care of it. I'm running things now. Guys, let's go wash those pants.
Jill: Uh, Tim, you know, this is really a complicated deal here. There's two loads, you know. There's the dark load, that needs cold water and this darker-blue bleach, and the white load needs hot water and the white bleach. And you can't forget to add the fabric softener.
Tim: What time is practice?
Brad: 15 minutes.
Tim: [hits the uniforms against the washing machine] That load's done.
Randy: Thanks, Dad.

Jill: Tim, where are the boys' lunches?
Tim: I only have two hands, OK? I'll load the dishwasher, then I'll make their lunches.
Jill: No, no, no. Honey, you have to make the lunches and then load the dishwasher.
Tim: What is the difference? [horn honks]
Brad: There's the bus.
Jill: That's the difference.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, no.

Tim: Hold on, guys, I got this covered. I'm buying lunch today. Here's two bucks.
Jill: Buy something nutritious.
Randy: Yeah, right.
Tim: Yeah. Go get some carrots out of that vending machine they have.
Randy: Dad, can I have two dollars for Mark? He's outside, waiting for us.
Jill: Make sure he gets it.
Randy: He will.
Jill: Well, at least Mark won't spend the money on junk food.

Tim: Hey, I'll make you a gingerbread house.
Mark: Really?
Tim: Yeah. And not just some dinky little house. We'll get a gingerbread full-service truck-and-auto service center.
Mark: Wow!
Tim: Darn right, wow. [grunts] Oh, yeah!

Tim: Mark, Mark! This morning I improved the washer, this afternoon, I improve the dryer.
Mark: How?
Tim: Oh-ho-ho-ho... See this? Binford's 20-amp high-density electric motor. Once I attach that to the dryer, it'll spin so fast... You know those cowboys on your P.J.'s? They'll be throwing up in their saddlebags.
Mark: Wow.
Tim: [grunts]