Maureen Binford: People, people. Let's gather.
Tim: Maureen, there's only two of us out here. I think we're gathered.
Maureen Binford: Good. OK... Let's confab about tomorrow's show.
Tim: All set. Tomorrow we're gonna do sheet rock installation.
Maureen Binford: Oh, Tim. We've done sheet rock to death.
Al: I was just telling Tim that...
Tim: Shut up, Al. What do you want? To electrocute me in a lamp again with a potato?
Maureen Binford: No, silly. We already did that.

Maureen Binford: OK, well, I get the feeling we're simpatico. Yes, no, maybe?
Tim: We'll do the sheet rock installation.
Maureen Binford: No, we won't, Tim. Need I remind you? [singsong] Producer!
Tim: [mocking her] Annoying!
Maureen Binford: He is such a card.
Al: Yes, he is. And he needs to be dealt with. [Al & Maureen laugh]

Mark: What is the paint pan for?
Tim: Well, I wanna make sure that the walls of the truck-and-auto service centre are big enough to handle the big rigs.
Randy: Mom never uses paint pans.
Tim: Do I look like Mom?
Randy: On occasion.
Mark: Is the paint pan clean?
Tim: Course it's clean. I scrubbed it out with turpentine.

Randy: Dad, these walls won't stay up.
Tim: Would you guys work with me on this? That's why I got the caulking compound over here.
Brad: You can't use caulk, you have to be able to eat it.
Randy: So? We don't have to worry about that. We're just selling it. Somebody else is eating it.
Tim: Wait, wait, wait. Maybe caulk would be a last resort. Let's try to make the icing work. Go out to the garage. Get me some "C" clamps and duct tape.

Jill: Then why don't you do one thing the way that I ask you to do it?
Tim: One?! I've done everything on your stupid little list over here.
Jill: You screwed up everything on my stupid little list over there.
Tim: I haven't screwed up everything.
Jill: Name one thing you didn't screw up.
Tim: Um...
Jill: Well?
Tim: The... Laundry?
Randy: [o.s.] Dad! The dryer's going crazy!

Randy: Cool! I have friends who'd pay good money to ride this.
Jill: Out.
Randy: Oh, man. Everybody gets to make money except for me.

Tim: Look there, everything's all dry.
Jill: Maybe this is just a sign that I'm not supposed to be working.
Tim: What do you mean by that?
Jill: Well, we're fighting about spatulas, you're riding the dryer... I don't know that it's worth it.
Tim: But you wanna work.
Jill: Yeah, I wanna work, Tim. But I also don't want the house to fall apart.
Tim: I see. It's always like that. I ride one appliance in the garage, and you get all bent out of shape.

Tim: The house isn't gonna fall apart if you're not here and I'm here. And, don't take this wrong, but you don't have to work.
Jill: I want to work. We got three kids we gotta get through college.
Tim: Or a good trade school.
Jill: I like working. You know, and I'm good at it. I think that I could move up. I might even be an editor. But the whole time that I'm working I worry about what's going on at the house. And when I'm at the house, I worry about work. I just wish there were two of me.
Tim: Can I sleep in the middle? "Morning, Jill. Hello there, Jill. Hey."

Jill: Fine. If you don't wanna talk about it, then I'm just gonna figure it out by myself.
Tim: And that, my dear, is the problem. You wanna do everything by yourself. There are two people. The other person here is me. And you gotta learn how to let me do some of the stuff the way I wanna do it.
Jill: Like giving the boys lunch money? Uh, burning down the kitchen? Riding the thing around the garage?
Tim: Hold on. Back the truck up. Some of the things went well today, you know.
Jill: Tim, look around you. You practically wrecked the house.
Tim: I'll have you know I wrecked this house long before you ever got a job. And I'll be wrecking this house long after you got a job. And the kids were dressed, they had their breakfast, they got to school, they had their lunch and they came home and they were safe. So maybe my way wasn't that dangerous after all, and some of the things did work, didn't they?
Jill: Well, that washing machine...
Tim: What about the washing machine?
Jill: That was pretty cool.
Tim: [grunts] You liked that, huh?

Jill: So, if this is gonna work, then I'm gonna have to let go of some things. And make sure that the smoke detector is working.
Tim: We gotta put a battery in that thing.
Jill: I think so.
Tim: And if you're gonna come home early, give me a phone call first.
Jill: Yeah, right.