Paris: Sold for $15 more than I paid 2 years ago see, the key to haggling is you put your hands around their throat and keep on squeezing.
Doyle: You've got skills, baby.
Paris: I know. Think of how useful I'll be when we're in India. Oh, remind me, we have to pack Advil. If I get a headache over there, I'm not about to get some Ayurvedic massage.
Doyle: Sure, just to clarify, you are gonna tame it down a little when we're in India, right? I mean we are tourists.
Paris: No way. My philosophy is "travel aggressively." Otherwise, you get taken advantage of.

Lorelai: I know he asked me out of respect, but I'll tell you what's not respectful is asking for my permission and then making me wait. Every time the phone rings, I think it's gonna be her, telling me that it's happened, but it's not. It's just my mother calling with some boring party detail, like asking me about the ratio of devil to egg.
Sookie: Ooh, that's easy. It's one part yolk and two parts mayonnaise. Oh, God, you don't care at all, do you?
Lorelai: No.

Sookie: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically.
Lorelai: Huh?
Sookie: It's a mnemonic device. Dress, wedges, champagne, ice, plastic flutes, beaded clutch. "Beaded clutch" is one word.
Lorelai: And panty hose.
Sookie: Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically, Polly.
Lorelai: And tissues and my camera.
Sookie: "Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically," Polly teased Chad.
Lorelai: Why would Polly tease Chad about preferring footballs?
Sookie: I don't know. Maybe Polly prefers soccer balls.
Lorelai: That doesn't make any sense.
Sookie: Well, then stop adding stuff to the list.

Taylor Doose: Onto the next order of business. Our esteemed friend and neighbor Kirk would like a permit to do his performance-art piece called "Kirk-in-a-box" in the town square.
Kirk: It isn't a performance-art piece. It is a feat of endurance an attempt to stretch the bounds of human possibility.
Miss Patty: And what exactly is "Kirk-in-a-box"?
Kirk: I will be suspended 20 feet above the street in a clear Lucite box with no food or water.
Lorelai: Oh, like David Blaine?
Kirk: Not at all. My box is smaller.
Babette: Why?
Kirk: Because Lucite is very costly.
Babette: No. Why are you doing it?
Kirk: To see if I can.

Emily: Well, I don't what to do. Should I continue to stagger the hors d'oeuvres or just tell the kitchen to send everything out?
Lorelai: I don't know.
Emily: What didn't she just say "yes"?
Lorelai: I think she's not sure she wants to marry him, Mom.
Emily: That's ridiculous. He's a Huntzberger. An offer like this doesn't come around every day.
Lorelai: It's a marriage proposal, not a sale on linens.

Lorelai: We should hurry up if we want to get good seats to watch Rory get her diploma.
Emily: My point is, with all the potential speakers out there, why choose someone so dull?
Lorelai: You know for a while, Rory said they were considering Henry Winkler. That would have been neat.
Emily: Who?
Richard: You mean Henry Kissinger?
Lorelai: Not unless he played the Fonz.

Richard: Actually, Kissinger would be duller than Kundera with that foghorn voice and that accent. Of the two, I'd vote for the Fonz.
Emily: Do you even know who the Fonz is?

Emily: Can I have my program back, then? As my friend Sylvia Rosenblatt would say, I'm "Shavitzing."
Lorelai: Shvitzing, Mom. Shvitzing.

Christopher: Any answer from Rory?
Lorelai: Not yet.
Emily: Apparently Lorelai has decided to invoke the "don't ask, don't tell" rule.
Lorelai: Oh, Mom.
Richard: Bill Clinton. That's a speaker I would have enjoyed. I can't stand his politics, but he has a commanding presence and a nice voice. I wonder if he records books on tape.

Paris: So have you thought about what you're going to say?
Rory: What?
Paris: When he hands you the diploma. I can't decide between "thank you" and "thank you so much."
Rory: Oh.
Paris: It's a significant moment, and I want to do it right. If I say just plain "Thank you," it sounds kind of casual, like he's handing me a slice of pizza. But "Thank you so much" sounds weird, like I'm acknowledging applause after singing a love ballad.
Rory: I think I'm just gonna do a polite smile and a "thank you."